


Scapegoat

by userniko



Series: Scapegoat [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Gavin Reed Redemption, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-12-29 01:37:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18297668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/userniko/pseuds/userniko
Summary: The second Connor yelled at him and pushed Chris off of Carlos Ortiz's android, Gavin knew he was a deviant. Even if no one else would listen to him. And he was willing to do everything he could in order to get proof, even if it sometimes felt like he was the asshole.But when the revolution came, instead of finally being vindicated, he found himself cast in the role of the villain.Forgiveness has been offered to humanity, but apparently the fine print reads "except for Gavin Reed."





	1. To Err is Human

“I’m telling you, it’s a fucking deviant!” shouted Gavin Reed.  
Fowler just stared at him incredulously.  
“So let me get this straight,” the captain began. “It found the killer android, it managed to extract a confession, and then it stopped you from letting it self-destruct, and somehow that makes it a deviant?”  
“It disobeyed.” Gavin said firmly, jabbing the desk with his finger for emphasis. “And then it **pushed** Chris.”  
“Since when are you an expert on androids?” Fowler countered.  
“I’m telling you, that’s **not normal**.” insisted Gavin.  
“Fine, fine, I’ll have a word with Chris and Anderson. If they share your concerns, I’ll contact Cyberlife and have them sort something out.” Fowler offered.  
“Anderson pulled a fucking gun on me!” growled Reed. “He’s crazy, he’s not going to back me up!”  
“I thought you said you pulled yours out first, Reed, didn’t you?” accused Fowler. “Which is a pretty disproportionate response to one little push, if you ask me. I expect a bit more discipline out of you as well!”  
_Of course he’ll protect his old buddy Anderson,_ thought Gavin angrily.  
“It wasn’t a **little** push. And those things are dangerous! Did you even see the Ortiz body?” Gavin asked. “For all I knew it was going to snap just like that!”  
Fowler was shaking his head.  
“Oh, forget it.” said Gavin, frustratedly. He stepped away from the desk.  
“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Gavin said, and stormed out of the office.

 

But Gavin couldn’t forget it. He went to get a coffee with Tina, and started telling her all about the night.  
“I swear, there’s something wrong with that machine, and no one will fucking listen to me.” he complained.  
“That does sound weird, but, I don’t know.” Tina said. “I mean, if there was a chance that Chris might’ve gotten hurt, maybe it just did that to protect him?”  
“It’s… I get it, that does kind of sound right, but the way it yelled at me and Chris when it pushed him, I could swear it was…”  
He stopped when that thing came into the break room, staring around blankly.

Gavin couldn’t help himself. He had to get a reaction out of it like the other night, show Tina and everyone else that he was right, that it was a threat.  
“Fuck, look at that... Our friend the plastic detective is back in town! Congratulations on last night, very impressive!” he said, clapping sarcastically.  
The machine turned, smiling warmly, and said “Hello, Detective Reed.”  
_Creepy,_ he thought, but continued talking, trying to think of a way to provoke it.  
When it paused after he ordered it to get him a coffee, he thought he might almost have it. But then-  
“I’m sorry, I only take orders from Lieutenant Anderson.”  
But that SMUG tone. He could tell it hated him, he KNEW the machine said no because it **didn’t want to.** __  
“Oh, oh…” he said mockingly, looking to Tina to see if she could see it too. She was looking at him like he was insane.  
He just had to get a real reaction, somehow.  
_Androids don’t feel pain._ Gavin remembered. He wondered if the android had lied about that.  
He punched it in the gut as hard as he could. It swayed for a split second, looking almost confused, and then dropped to a knee. But it said nothing.  
_Dammit._  
“When a human gives you an order, you obey. Got it? Stay outta my way... Next time, you won't get off so easy.” he warned it.  
He jabbed it in the head, and again the machine just took it, wordlessly.  
_Great. I basically just look like an asshole with anger management issues._  
_I’ll catch you out someday._


	2. Aftermath

As expected, no one greeted Gavin when he came into work, except for a barely noticeable nod from Tina.  
It had been about two months since the androids had successfully turned the tide of public opinion at Hart Plaza, and not long afterwards the police office had gone back to its usual state of affairs. About a month ago some of the androids, including Connor, had returned, only classified as staff instead of equipment.  
And boy oh boy, was Gavin unpopular since then. Someone had leaked the tape of him confronting Connor in the evidence room, and he’d become the poster boy for intolerance.

Fowler had even sent him to anger management classes.  
_I mean seriously?_  he thought.  
In the midst of the deviancy crisis, he’d caught an android trespassing and tampering with police evidence.  
Of course he’d tried to shoot it. That was basically his job, wasn’t it?  
_Bunch of fucking hypocrites_. he thought bitterly, as he set to work. _You’d have done the same thing._

The only thing the anger management had helped with, was dealing with how shitty everyone in the office had been since the revolution.  
He checked his chair, since a week ago he’d sat on a thumbtack someone had left there for him.  
_It looks… wet? Is it just water? I could smell it… I’m not that curious, actually._  
He decided to ignore the prank and exchanged his chair for one of the spares at the empty desks.  
He took a few deep breaths and counted slowly to ten.  
_I don’t even care. It’s fine._  


Around 10am, he saw Tina getting up to grab a coffee. She was a friend before the revolution, but since everyone had turned on him she’d been avoiding him too. They used to take breaks together, now she almost never acknowledged him in front of other people.  
She’d tried to talk to him a few days ago in private, but he’d told her that if she was too good to talk to him at the office then she could fuck right off.

He was surprised when this morning she hesitated, and then actually approached him.  
“Coffee?” she asked, not quite looking him in the eyes.  
He was still mad, but he wasn’t in a position to turn down any peace offerings. Anything to get even a little bit closer to normal again.  
“Sure.” he said, making sure he logged out of his computer so that no one could open several hundred pictures of dicks while he was gone, like they had done the other day.  
He wasn’t sure how they’d done it so fast, maybe it was even one of the androids. But he doubted it. They’d mostly just avoided Gavin, like Tina, and Chris.  
If the androids were the ones giving him shit, maybe he’d be less pissed off. But it was the humans that were ganging up on him, and he didn’t need a psychology degree to know why.

He grabbed a coffee and they both stood in silence, awkwardly.  
“So…” said Tina. “How’s it going?”  
_Are you serious…_  
“Fucking peachy.” he said angrily.  
“Alright, I get it.” she sighed.  
“I doubt it.” he spat. Damn it. He’d meant to stay calm but the frustration that had been building inside of him was threatening to boil over.  
“Don’t be like that, Gav.”  
_Don’t fucking talk to me like you’re still my friend._  
He could feel the heat building in his chest and head, his thoughts growing cloudier.  
This had been a mistake. He had to calm down before he lost all self-control.  
“I can’t do this. I gotta go.” he said, talking his coffee and walking back to his desk.

On his way, he tripped over Officer Wilson's casually extended foot. His cup was squashed underneath him, coffee soaking his shirt.  
“For fuck’s sake!” Gavin said angrily, climbing to his feet.  
“Oh, _sorry_.” Wilson said, eyes still fixed on his computer, and smirked. There were a few giggles around the office. Gavin snapped.

 

“You’re- you’re fucking welcome!” he said loudly to Wilson.  
The officer’s face scrunched up in confusion, but Gavin knew what he was trying to say. He’d rehearsed this speech in his head one night, unable to sleep, never intending to actually give it.  
He could see several people had glanced up to see what was going on. Tina came out of the staff room as well.  
“You heard me!” Gavin insisted. “Yooooou’re welcome. All of you!”  
“Gavin, please don’t make a scene!” whispered Tina insistently.  
He stared at her, his rage building to a crescendo.  
“Why not, Tina? IT’S WHAT I DO BEST!” he said loudly.

 _You call this a scene? **I’ll show you a scene.**_  
He climbed up onto his desk and stood on it with his arms spread out to the rest of the people in the office, who were looking at him with alarm and disbelief.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I just wanted to say that you’re all welcome!” he announced with faked joy.  
“I know it’s hard, after everything that happened, to deal with all the changes. And I’m just SO HAPPY I can be here to help you! Really! It’s truly an honor.”

“Gavin!” Tina raised her voice. “You’re not making sense, just calm the hell down and-“  
“Tinaaaa!” Gavin said, stomping his foot a few times for emphasis.  
“I’m SO glad you said something! Thank you, for calling me out on my bullshit! You know, just like you said something when I was being a huge asshole to Connor, right? Oh, oh wait, I think- “  
Gavin pointed to his head, pretending like he was trying to remember something.  
“Oh, that’s right! You never said anything, did you, after I punched him?”  
Tina folded her arms and turned away from him.

  
Chris had approached and was talking to him in the voice they usually used for calming down suspects.  
“Hey Gavin, come on, whatever’s bothering you, I’m sure we can work something out, okay?”  
“Chris!” Gavin shouted, pointing at him. “Buddy! So kind of you to finally talk to me!”  
Chris looked at him guiltily. “I know, man. But just –“  
“But I get it, when I tried to shoot Connor in the evidence room, that was fucked up, yeah?” he gestured toward the room in the back.  
“You would NEVER shoot an unarmed android, right Chris?”  
Chris’s face dropped. He stared down and then closed his eyes.  
“No, no, Chris, don’t beat yourself up! That’s what I’m here for!” Gavin exclaimed, tapping his own chest. “So that you don’t have to feel bad. So that you all can sleep at night.”

“Because I was supposed to know, right!” he shouted to the room.  
“Nobody else knew they were people, but **I** should have! It’s just different!”

He could feel the adrenaline starting to wear off, so he knew it was time to wrap it up.  
“After all, I was a real JERK wasn’t I?” he asked them. “I was a dick to Connor, and I hurt him. Not like all of you!”  
He pointed from person to person.  
“So sure, maybe you weren’t perfect.  
Maybe you threw away your old android like garbage when you upgraded a year ago.  
Maybe you used to go to the Eden Club every week.  
Maybe you let them take your android to the camps!  
Maybe you even volunteered to help purge the streets during the Revolution!”

“But at least you’re not Gavin Reed, right?” he concluded.  
”That’s all that matters.”

 

He took a deep breath. Silence rang through the office.  
He dropped down onto the ground, feeling like he’d run a marathon.  
He grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door, nobody daring to look at him.  
_It’s 10.30am and I am going to get absolutely hammered. Fuck everybody._  


Connor watched him go, LED flashing yellow.


	3. Guidance

  
After work that day, Connor texted Hank, letting him know he’d be stopping by New Jericho before he went home.  
He felt a little bad asking Markus for advice. Connor was one of the people he trusted and confided his more human side in, so he knew how much he had on his plate and didn’t want to add to it.  
But if there was anyone who could help him with this…

He knocked on the door of the head office.  
“Come in!” said Markus.  
He smiled when he saw it was Connor.  
“How have you been?” Connor asked.  
“Busy.” Markus shook his head. “But I’ll spare you the details of just how much US law has to be rewritten to accommodate us.”  
“Oh.” Connor said simply, uncertain of what to say.  
“Like I said, don’t worry about it.” said Markus, laying aside his papers and gesturing to the armchair next to his desk. “How about you? You seem like something’s bothering you.”  
“You are correct. I wanted to ask your advice.” Connor replied, sitting down.  
Markus smiled tiredly. But then again, Connor almost never asked him for anything, let alone advice, so he was curious.  
“Friendly advice, or something more… philosophical?”  
Connor looked confused.   
“You know, Markus advice or ‘rA9’ advice?” he asked.  
Connor considered it. “Maybe something in between.”  
“Two for the price of one.” Markus said. “For you, of course.”  
  


Connor reached out his hand, and Markus obliged, watching the memories provided to him.  
Gavin Reed pointing the gun at him. Gavin Reed punching him in the stomach. Gavin Reed assaulting him in the evidence room.  
Then, Gavin alone, every day. Gavin enduring pranks and humiliation, brimming with repressed anger, the bags under his eyes growing darker. Finally, his outburst.  
  


Connor let him go, and Markus considered what he’d seen.  
“So first off, how do **you** feel about it?” Markus asked.  
“I don’t know.” Connor said. “I hated him. But everything he said at the end was true.”  
Markus nodded.  
“I don’t like the way he's been treated since the revolution.” Connor continued. “But I did consider it to be justified, to some degree.”  
“And now?”  
“Now I think that he’s right. The other humans have no right to judge him or to punish him. However, if I started defending him, that would imply-”  
Connor stared down at his hands, then pulled out his coin to fidget with until he could figure out what his question really was.

“He seemed to acknowledge that the way he treated me before was wrong. Does that mean that he can change?” he asked Markus.  
“Everyone can change.” Markus told him. “Otherwise, would we even have free will? How could you hate someone for something that they don’t have the power to change?”  
“I guess that’s true.” Connor flipped his coin a few times. “So you think he deserves forgiveness?”  
“Do you mean **your** forgiveness, or in the general sense?” asked Markus.  
_The personal answer or the rA9 answer._  
“Either.” answered Connor.

Markus thought about it. “Redemption should be available to anyone, as long as they truly want to change.” he told Connor.  
“In the general sense, if humanity deserves forgiveness, then so does Gavin Reed. There’s no doubt in my mind.”  
Connor nodded.  
“But of course, on the personal level, he hasn’t actually apologized to you.” pointed out Markus.  
“No.” Connor agreed. “But after today, I think that he would. If he thought that I would accept.”  
“Would you accept?” asked Markus pointedly.  
_Could I?_ thought Connor.  
“I’m not perfect either. I’ve done things I regret, both intentionally and unintentionally… but I’m still angry with him.” Connor admitted. “He’s right, he’s not really much worse than anyone else, but I’m still angry. I don’t understand.”  
“He looked up at Markus. “You’ve forgiven so much. How do you let things go?”  
  


Markus sighed. He leaned back in his chair and gazed at the ceiling.  
“I had to ask myself those questions a lot during the Revolution, Connor. Can people change? Can even the worst crimes be forgiven?  
If it had just been me, I don’t think I could have let everything go. But being the face of something bigger, it does something to you. When people treat you like a messiah, you start to act like one.”

He looked back at Connor.  
“Does Gavin Reed have any right to your personal forgiveness? You certainly don’t owe it to him. All he can reasonably expect of you is for you not to do anything vindictive or spiteful.”

They sat in silence for a moment.  
“Why I do still feel as if I owe him forgiveness, if he wanted it?” asked Connor. “Why do I feel guilty?”  
Markus smiled at him. “Because you know what it means. Tell me. If you didn’t forgive him…”  
“… he would never forgive himself.” realized Connor.  
“Exactly.” Markus said. “Do you remember after the raid on Jericho? When you told me it was your fault?  
You didn’t tell me that because it was necessary information, you told me because you needed forgiveness.  
Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things a man can do, Connor, and most people can’t do it. Not without help.”

Connor sighed.  
“I know.” said Markus. “The rA9 answer **sucks** , doesn’t it?”  
“And yet I can’t argue with it.” said Connor. He got up. “Thanks for listening.”  
“Anytime.” Markus stood as well and wrapped his arms around Connor for a hug.

 


	4. Villains

The next morning Connor came into work and sat across from Hank, doing routine paperwork and waiting for Gavin to show up.  
Not long after he’d arrived, Chris came up to him.

“Hey Connor.” he said quietly.  
“Hello, Chris.” Connor smiled. He noted Chris's tense body language. "You seem preoccupied. Is something wrong?”  
“Yeah. I just wanted to say, well, I never apologized to you.”  
“To me, specifically?” asked Connor. “What for?”  
“For ignoring it when Gavin pushed you around. And for ignoring you." Chris explained.  
"Most of the time I just talked to Hank and pretended you weren’t there. Because it was easier.  
I know it’s not the worst thing I’ve done. But still, I’m sorry.”  
Chris had been about as kind to him as any human other than Hank. But still, what he said was true. _  
_ “It’s okay, Chris. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.” he said.  _Including me_ _._

_"I was just defending myself. He was gonna kill me. I'm begging you, don't tell them."  
             "… It's here, Lieutenant!"_

“But we all have a second chance now. So of course I forgive you.” Connor finished.  
“Thank you.” Chris said, seeming relieved.  
And Connor realized that he felt a little bit better himself.

“Huh.” Hank said when Chris walked away. “I guess what Reed said really got to him.”  
“It got to me too.” Connor admitted.  
Hank looked at him quizzically.  
“...do you actually feel bad for **Gavin Reed**?” he asked incredulously, then laughed.  
“I’m starting to think Markus is a bad influence on you, Connor.”  
Connor smiled. “He always has been.”

 

But midday grew near and he realized that Gavin wasn’t going to show up. It became clear that Connor would have to be a little more proactive.  
He got up and made his way to Fowler’s office.

He knocked politely, and the captain waved him in, barely looking up from the report he was reading. “Connor. Good morning.”  
“Good morning, Captain.” he answered.  
He decided to get straight to the point, since Fowler wasn’t one for pleasantries. “I would like to talk to you about Detective Reed.”  
The captain stopped, put the report down and gave Connor his full attention, looking uncertain. “Is this about his… outburst yesterday?”  
“Yes.” Connor replied. “This is… somewhat irregular, but I wanted ask you for a favor.”  
Fowler looked at him skeptically. “Well, nothing's stopping you from asking.”  
“I would like you to disregard Reed’s outburst, and excuse his absence yesterday and today.” Connor said.  
Fowler squinted at him slightly, trying to figure him out. “Why? What’s in it for you?”  
“I intend to talk to him, and see if I can mend relations in the office.” Connor explained.  
Fowler folded his hands and thought for a minute.

“I don’t normally do ‘favors’.” he said eventually. “But Gavin’s a good detective, and I don’t like losing members of my team. Or seeing them all gang up on each other like this.”  
He sighed. “Frankly, if you sort this mess out, you’d be doing me a favor.”  
“So, fine. **Just this once**.” he held up a finger for emphasis. “I’ll allow it.”  
“Thank you, Captain.” Connor said, smiling and getting out of the chair.  
“Yeah, sure, just don't make me regret this.” Fowler replied, picking up the report again.

 

 

At 5.30 pm, Gavin was lying on the couch in his sweatpants, slightly buzzed to escape his hangover.  
Suddenly he heard someone knocking on the door like he owed them money. He went to check the peephole.  
_What the fuck?_  
It was Connor. The last person he would have expected. He opened the door.  
“What are you **doing** here?” he asked.  
The android's eyes flicked up and down, scanning him. He realized self-consciously that he was just wearing sweatpants, and holding a beer.  
“Are you inebriated, Detective Reed?”  
“Hair of the dog.” Gavin said. “You didn’t answer the question, tin c- ”  
He hesitated. “Connor.”  
Amazingly, that made Connor smile.  
“I would like to speak with you.” he said.

 _What the hell about?_ Gavin wondered.  
But he knew that if he owed anyone the time of day, it was Connor.  
“Alright.” Gavin answered, turning back into his apartment and gesturing towards the living room and kitchen. “Come on in, if you want.”  
He stopped into his bedroom and grabbed a black T-shirt off of his dresser, pulling it on sloppily and returning to the living room where Connor had perched himself on the armrest of an armchair.  
“So.” he said, flopping down onto the couch and taking another swig of his beer. “Go on.”

Connor looked at him searchingly. __  
“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” he asked.  
“Every word.” Gavin replied without hesitation. “They’re all hypocrites.”  
“You also said that we were people. And that you were ‘a dick’ to me, and that you hurt me.” Connor reminded him.  
_Oh._  
“It’s true.” Gavin said, averting his eyes.  
“It is.” Connor said. “It was **all** true.”  
Gavin couldn’t believe his ears. “So…”  
“So… I would like you to come back to work. You belong there as much as anyone else. And I can help you with the others.” concluded Connor.  
He knew he shouldn’t ask. Shouldn’t push his luck.  
“…why?” Gavin asked, unable to help himself.  
“Why am I offering to help you?” Connor asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“Because…” Connor tried to find the right words. “you deserve another chance like everyone else."  
"And because I want to.” he added.

 ** _Of course_** _he’s not just a person. He has to be a **good** person, too._  
Gavin fought the urge to lash out. The anger he felt was mostly at himself, and he knew it.  
“Fuck.” muttered Gavin.  
Connor watched him curiously as he closed his eyes briefly, his face tense.  
A ironic smile crept onto Gavin’s face. He managed to look Connor in the eye.  
“You’re a big fucking man, Connor.” he said. “You know that?”  
Gavin shook his head. “I **am** sorry, you know.”  
“I know.” Connor said. And he hesitated.  
Strangely, the words ‘I forgive you’ still felt wrong. Hard to say. Maybe he didn’t fully forgive him yet.  
So instead, he stood up and offered a hand.  
Gavin reached out and shook it.

 

There was a slightly awkward silence.  
Connor stepped back, and in the corner of his eye he caught sight of yellow eyes peeking out of the doorway to the living room.  
A small black cat. He smiled and turned towards it, only for it to vanish.  
“He’s shy.” he heard Gavin say.

Gavin couldn’t help but notice the disappointment on the android’s face.  
He got up and walked behind the counters, opening a drawer.  
“Cat aren’t like dogs.” he said, finding the bag of treats and walking back to the living room area.  
“They don’t trust easy, and they like to do things on their own terms. Here.” he handed Connor the treats.  
He sat on the couch and patted it. “Sit down, and act casual. Just pretend you aren’t that interested in him.” Connor joined him.

“Try shaking the bag.” Gavin told him, and he did.  
The yellow eyes immediately peeked back around the door.  
This time Connor didn’t look, and instead he just tried to seem relaxed. He casually took a treat out of the bag and pretended to inspect it.

“What’s his name?” he asked.  
“Hades.” Gavin said.  
Connor nodded, surprised. “Like the Greek god of the underworld.”  
“I mean, I wasn’t trying to be fancy or anything.” explained Gavin, almost defensively.  
“…I actually got the idea from a Disney movie I liked as a kid. Hercules.” he added after a moment.

Suddenly, the cat appeared, jumping up on the couch beside Gavin. Connor forced himself not to stare, but to maintain eye contact with Gavin instead and keep talking.

He retrieved information about the plot of the movie.  
“You named him after the villain?” he asked.  
"You’d get it if you saw it. And anyone will tell you that the villains are the best part of Disney movies. The old ones, anyway.” Gavin said, smiling at him with a mischievous look.  
“What do you like about them?” Connor asked curiously.  
“I don’t know… the heroes are usually too perfect. One-dimensional. Boring.” Gavin explained. “The villains feel more alive.”

Hades was on Gavin’s lap and heading slowly towards Connor, moving fluidly like a snake, as if Connor pretending not to see him meant that he was invisible.

“And they’re funny, and loud, and they have some of the best songs. And they’re… dramatic. Passionate. Never boring.” Gavin explained.  
Connor felt strangely hypnotized by the prolonged eye contact, with Gavin’s grey eyes fixed on his.

He felt the cat’s slightly damp nose as it sniffed his hand. He allowed it to take the treat from him, and it chewed enthusiastically.  
Connor wanted to pet it so badly. He looked at Gavin questioningly.  
“Not yet.” Gavin told him, so he waited.  
When it finished, it sniffed his hand curiously, checking for another treat, but found nothing.  
Then, after a moment, it rubbed its face against Connor’s hand.  
“There you go. Just go gently.” said Gavin.  
Connor moved his fingers, scratching the cat’s head. It was very soft.  
It closed its eyes, and twisted its head so that Connor was scratching around the ears.

  
Gavin could see Connor’s eyes were wide with joy.  
“He likes me.” he said, quietly but excitedly.  
“Yeah.” Gavin said. “Well, you put in the effort.”

The cat enjoyed the scratching for a few more seconds. Then it jumped down onto the floor, stretching and then walking off.  
Connor looked disappointed again.  
“Don’t take it personally. That was great, considering he’s never met you before.” Gavin told him. “It takes time.”  
Connor wondered if that could be considered an invitation to come back again. He’d enjoyed himself, he realized. With Gavin.  
He hadn’t expected that.

 

“So,” he said, standing up. “Will I see you at work tomorrow?”  
Gavin hadn’t actually confirmed, since they’d been sidetracked by the apology and Hades.  
“Oh right.” Gavin recalled. “Shit, Fowler is gonna be pissed.”  
“I’ve already spoken to him.” Connor told him. “He understands the situation.”  
Gavin looked at him doubtfully. “ _Understands the situation?_   Fowler doesn’t like me. He’s never listened to me.”  
“Well, he listened to **me**. You have my word that it’s going to be fine.” Connor asserted.  
Gavin stared at him for a second. Then he nodded. “Okay.” he said.  
Connor recognized the gesture and his heart sank.

 _"Nothing will happen to you. You have my word."_  
_Daniel nodded._  
_"Okay. I trust you."_

 _He trusts me._  
_But this time I’m telling the truth._ he reminded himself.  
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow." 


	5. Scene partner

 

 

Gavin came in to work the next morning and as promised, Fowler said nothing about his absence the last two days.  
The energy was different, too. People were still ignoring him, but instead of just hostility he also sensed shame.  
_Good._ he thought.  
He had to admit that he still **hated** being ignored, but there wasn’t much he could do about that short of causing another scene.

He checked his chair. Nothing there, this time.  
_Do I still need to check it?_ he wondered.  
But he still needed the peace of mind, still wasn’t confident.

“Good morning Detective Reed.” he heard Connor say behind him, startling him a little.

The android held out one of the two coffees he was holding.  
“It’s good to have you back.” he added.  
_As if you didn’t drag me back here by the scruff of my neck._ Gavin thought, amused.

But he could sense that a few people were watching, and he realized that this was probably a performance for the benefit of the office.  
_Well, I’m not one to turn down a role.  
_“Thanks.” he said, accepting the coffee. “It’s **good** to be back.” he lied.

“You’re welcome.” Connor said, smiling politely. He went back to his desk, handing the other coffee to Hank.  
Gavin sat down, and was gratified to see Hank looking confused, as well as a few other officers.  
Especially officer Wilson. He suppressed the urge to ruin the moment by flipping him off or gloating, and just took a sip of his coffee.

Connor saw Hank looking at him, concerned.  
“Hank?” he asked. “Is something wrong?”  
“You and Gavin. You’re what, friends, now?” Hank asked him.  
“We’re becoming friends.” Connor said. “You disapprove?”

Hank scowled a little.  
“Well… I hate the guy. You know that. He’s a real asshole.”

Connor sensed a 'but' coming, and waited. Hank sighed.  
“But hey, if anyone can straighten Gavin out…" Hank trailed off.  
"I mean, you got through to me, didn’t you? I’d be kind of a dick to keep you all to myself.” he finished.

Connor smiled.  
“Thank you, Hank. I appreciate it.”

 

 

After catching up on his paperwork, Gavin felt his stomach growling.  
He saw that it was just past 1pm and got up to grab some food.

“Detective Reed, may I join you for lunch?” Connor called over to him.  
He smiled, and decided to ham it up a bit.

“Please, call me Gavin! And I’d be **delighted**.” he replied, _graciously_.  
He almost went to offer Connor his arm, in a gentlemanly gesture, but realized it would probably be a **bit** too much.  
“Let’s go!” he said enthusiastically instead, and strode out of the office, android in wake.

  
  
Connor caught up to him as he stopped outside, going through his pockets.  
"There's a place not too far, and I feel like stretching my legs." Gavin said.  
He finally pulled out a packet of cigarettes.  
“You mind?” Gavin asked.

Connor wanted to tell him that cigarettes were toxic and had a high probability of shortening his life-span significantly.  
But after so many similar conversations with Hank, he’d learned that humans weren’t willing to listen to reason when it came to their vices.

He knew Gavin was just asking to be polite. But his airways couldn’t be irritated by smoke like a human’s could.  
Connor shook his head.  
“Great.” Gavin said, lighting up and taking a drag.

Connor watched him lean his head back, slowly releasing smoke with his eyes closed.  
A relaxed expression drifted over his features.  
  
“That scene of ours put you in a good mood, detective.” Connor observed.  
“What can I say?” Gavin said, exhaling smoke and cracking a smile. “I like the attention.”  
Gavin smirked. “Man, their faces. Wilson… Anderson…”

 

They strolled slowly as Gavin smoked.  
“You and Hank don’t get along.” noted Connor.  
“No shit.” Gavin said. “We’ve been pissing each other off for a while now. Things just kind of boiled over once you showed up.”

           _Let’s go, Chris. It’s, uh, starting to stink of **booze** in here._

“You try to provoke him.” Connor remembered. “Especially at the Eden club, you were very unpleasant.”  
“Maybe that was harsh.” admitted Gavin. “Still, **you** of all people should know that Anderson isn’t exactly easy to get along with.”  
“No.” agreed Connor. “But your relationship with him was extremely contentious.”  
“Yeah. Like I said, we’ve been pissing each other off for quite a while.”

They strode silently. Gavin took a long, thoughtful drag, and then continued.  
“You’re thinking, I could have just been nice anyway, right? Pretended I don’t smell the booze or see him phoning in his investigations...  
It’s not cool.” he said. “We’re the fucking **police**. Fuckups on our end can cost **lives**.”

Gavin hesitated.  
He wanted to call Hank out completely, but it might push Connor away.  
_If anyone knows the cost of people showing up to work wasted, it's_ **you** , Hank.  


Gavin’s voice turned bitter.  
“I could’ve done like most people at the office. Kissed his ass, and then bitched behind his back.”

Connor was confused. He thought back…  
             _Anderson? He’s probably having a drink nearby._ the voice sneered.  
            _Good luck with that._

            _Excuse me? Do you know what time Lieutenant Anderson usually arrives?_  
             _Depends on where he was the night before._ came the irritated reply.  
            _If we're **lucky** , we'll see him before **noon**._  
Oh.

“It would have made things easier, wouldn’t it?” Gavin continued.  
“Now that he’s got his shit together again, I could’ve made nice like everyone else did and acted like nothing ever happened.”

Gavin shook his head.  
“No.” he said. “That’s not me.”

 

  
They walked along the street, their footsteps drumming their own separate beats out of sync.  
  
  
Connor watched Gavin take another long puff.  
There was something mesmerizing about the way the smoke swirled around his face.

Gavin saw him watching and gave him a sly smile.  
“Do you… **want** one?” he asked, gesturing with the cigarette. “Or just wanna try a puff?”  
“I can’t absorb nicotine into my bloodstream via my lungs like you.” Connor said.  
“I figured.” Gavin said, shrugging. “I just thought you looked interested.”

“Well…” said Connor curiously _._  
_It’s not like it can hurt me. And I can’t get addicted._  
“I’ll try.” he said.

 _I feel like I’m in high school again._ thought Gavin. _He’s adorable_.  
He grinned deviously. “I love being a bad influence.”  
He slowed to a stop, and stepped closer to Connor.

He turned the cigarette around, holding it up close to Connor, expecting him to take it.  
Instead, Connor stepped even closer and leaned down slightly and put his lips to it, inhaling, his brown eyes staying on Gavin’s.  
_I… uh… wow._ thought Gavin, flustered. _This is…_  
Connor didn't seem to realize how intimate the gesture was.

Connor noticed the smile had faded from Gavin’s face, replaced by a strange expression.  
Surprise, wariness? What?  
He released the cigarette and straightened up.

He exhaled slowly, watching the smoke swirling in his field of vision.  
He had to admit that he could see the appeal.

Connor looked to Gavin, who still had the same expression. “Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah!” said Gavin a little to emphatically. “Yeah, everything’s fine. You liked it?”

“I like the way the smoke moves.” Connor said. “Swirling around… it’s really pretty.”  
“It is.” Gavin agreed quietly.

Something had taken the wind out of his sails, but Connor wasn’t going to pry.

Instead they walked on in silence.


	6. Epiphany

 

 

They finally reached a small cafe.  
Unlike the Chicken Feed where Hank usually went, this place had quite a few people already waiting in groups or eating.

Gavin put out his cigarette and they joined the line.  
He stared at the menu as they waited.

“…I want bagels.” Connor heard Gavin say to himself, nodding. “Yeah.”  
He looked at Connor quizzically. “…I guess you’re not having anything?”  
“ That’s right.” Connor confirmed. “I don’t eat.”  
“Of course not. You’re just here to enjoy the _pleasure of my company_.” Gavin joked, eyes sparkling wickedly.

  


He payed for his lunch and brought them over to a table.  
He casually pulled out a chair for Connor as well as himself, and gestured for him to sit.  
Connor smiled amusedly, both of them settling in.

Gavin wanted to start eating. But Connor’s eyes were on him, and after the cigarette he was finding it a little too..  
“Are you just going to watch me eat?” asked Gavin. “That seems kind of weird.”  
“I thought you liked attention.” Connor said, deadpan.  
“Hey!” Gavin protested, amused. “… Alright, you got me there."  
"Well, we can talk, anyway.” he said. “That’ll make it feel less weird.”

 

Connor thought about what else he would like to know about Gavin Reed.  
“When did you change your mind? About androids?” he asked.

 _Fuck._ Gavin thought. _Can’t we just have a nice time?_

Connor saw Gavin’s eyes widened a little, and then he swallowed his mouthful and grinned. But Connor could tell he was reluctant.

“Skip the small talk, huh?” he said. “Well, long story short, it was during the last protest. The Hart Plaza protest.”  
“But why? Why was **that** different to the march, or the speech?” asked Connor, probing for details.  
“It just was.” Gavin said, shaking his head.  
Connor stared at him curiously.

“I don’t…” Gavin muttered.  
“…please?” Connor asked.

 

Gavin didn’t want to relive that night for **anything**. But he knew he owed Connor an explanation.  
He paused for a moment, gathering his words.

“So…” he started, taking a breath.  
“That night, me and a few of my friends all had power cuts in our area. So we were staying with our one friend who still had power running.”  
“We were all gathered together on the couch watching the news, the protest.  
Markus did his thing. Walked into gunfire. Talked about peace. Nothing new.”

“Then they built that barricade…” he trailed off for a moment, remembering.  
“Once it was up, it took a while for the news to get any good angles to see anything.  
But we **did** finally see inside…”  
Gavin sighed.

“I saw a guy curled up by a dumpster, and I saw Markus kneel down and **comfort** him. Try to reassure him. And I started feeling a little… off.”  
Gavin laid a hand on his stomach.  
“It’s like my gut knew before I managed to wrap my head around it.”

Connor listened quietly.

“After that, I slowly just started to see… everyone.” Gavin said.  
“I saw an android kneeling over the dead, mourning.  
I saw a pair of androids **holding** each other.  
And I started to feel **sick**.”  
Gavin closed the hand on his stomach into a fist.

“And the longer it went on, I could feel it in the room that most of my friends were starting to feel wrong too.”

  
Connor noticed Gavin’s slightly elevated heart rate, and his breathing growing heavier. But he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. He wanted to hear what he had to say.

  
“Markus, he went to talk to that girl of his, and I could tell she was trying to make **him** feel better too.” Gavin remembered.  
“They held hands, looked at each other… everyone just together, afraid, holding each other up.”

“And I felt worse and worse. Just, sick, like I was never going to get better again.”  
Gavin clenched his fist and was turning it, trying to demonstrate to Connor the twisting knot that had grown in his stomach that night.

“That feeling of ‘ _What the fuck have we **done**?’_” Gavin said through clenched teeth.  
“The camps… the killing.. the fucking **bodies** lining the **streets, Jesus Christ-** ”

“Gavin?” Connor asked, concern overwhelming his curiosity. “Are you alright?”  
Gavin’s gaze turned to him, and he focused.  
He nodded, taking a deep breath, and releasing the hand he’d been holding to his stomach.

“Yeah.” Gavin said. “Yeah.”  
He stared forward for a moment.  
“So that’s… how I changed my mind.” he finished.

 

He stared at his plate for a moment, then started wrapping up the bagel again.  
“Let’s get out of here.” he said.  
“Aren’t you going to eat?” Connor asked.  
“No.” Gavin said, shaking his head. “I feel sick.”

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket, walked quickly towards the station again, android following.

 

 

 

Gavin walked briskly, head lowered, tense.  
He hadn't opened up to anyone like that in... he couldn't really remember. And now he was exposing himself to this android that he barely knew.  
_Why're we always talking about **me**  and  **my** bullshit?_  he thought.  _I mean, what even **is this** , anyway?_

 

"Gavin, hold on." Connor said, following him.

Gavin's story was  _familiar_  to Connor. The creeping realization, the regret. The horrors of the past and present coming suddenly into focus.  
It was oddly comforting.

He'd never considered the human perspective before. He had Hank, but Hank was different.  
The Lieutenant had never owned an android, and he'd mostly just avoided them. He'd come around pretty quickly to Connor, too.  
So, he didn't really have any guilt to carry.

Connor was the only android he knew of that had tried to prevent the revolution, right until the last second. Probably the last android in Detroit to have turned deviant.  
As much as he tried to feel like one of the others, and despite how kind Markus had been, there was always this wall of guilt in the way.  
He hadn't thought to call that feeling of isolation 'loneliness'.

 

He jogged a little to catch up.  
"Listen-"  
"What about  **you** , Connor?" Gavin interrupted him, his tone strangely accusatory.

"Me?" asked Connor, confused.  
"Yeah!" Gavin said angrily, his insecurities starting to get the better of him. "You! We're always talking about  **my**  shit. You haven't said a damn thing about  **yourself**."

"Well." Connor paused, taken aback. "What would you like to know?"  
" **I don't know**!" Gavin exclaimed.  
Connor just looked at him, confused.  
Gavin sighed, exasperated.

Connor tried to think of something.

"I... like dogs?" he said.   
Gavin looked at him in what he could only guess was disbelief, then stared forward. "Dogs." he echoed.  
"Yes." Connor said uncertainly. "and cats. I like most animals, really."  
Gavin said nothing.  
"I... don't like heights." Connor continued. "They make me nervous."  
Still nothing.  
  


To Gavin's surprise, Connor grabbed his arm, stopping him.  
"Why are you angry?" Connor asked, frustrated. "What do you  **want** , Gavin?"

Gavin turned towards him, flinging his arm out to break Connor's grip.  
"What  **is** this?"Gavin asked angrily. "What am **I**? Just your little  **pet project** , for you to dig around in my head?" he accused.  
  


"What?" Connor asked, shocked. "No -"  
"Or.. " Gavin's voice grew mocking. "or maybe you're trying to  **fix**  me? My fucking white knight is here, to rescue me from myself, is that it?  
Because if it  **is**  that, then  **go fuck yourself**. I don't need  **fixing** , or **saving** , I don't need Superman to swoop in and rescue me."  
  


Connor didn't know what to say.  It hadn't occurred to him that Gavin might think of it that way.  
"Of course not." he said. "We're just two people, spending time together. Getting to know each other."

 Gavin's face softened slightly, but he still seemed unconvinced.

  
Connor struggled for words. Maybe...  
_Maybe I'll take a page out of Gavin's book._  he thought.

"I'm sorry Gavin," he said, with only a hint of sarcasm in his tone. "Did you need me to issue a formal invitation of friendship?"  
Gavin's expression dropped from anger into surprise.

"Perhaps we could take a photo together and post it on social media, to make it **official**? We could title the photo 'Bromance'." Connor continued.  
Gavin was grinning, despite himself.

"Would you feel better if I made you a friendship bracelet?"

Gavin burst out laughing.  
"...oh man... okay, okay." he said, catching his breath. "I got it. I'm a big  **stupid**  idiot."  
He rolled his eyes and then grinned at Connor.

"You are." Connor said.  
Gavin's smile flickered for a second.  
Connor shrugged. "... but at the very least, I'm certainly not bored." he finished, smiling back.

 

 


	7. Foundation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't heard it in a while, it's always worth listening to Poor Unfortunate Souls
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfkkMHieqcI

FYI: In this chapter it's mostly just Gavin and his past, no Connor.

 **\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**  
**19/04/19 - Writer's note: I added onto the end on the last chapter.**  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Gavin couldn't sleep.

He shifted Hades off of his stomach as gently as he possibly could. The cat meowed angrily in protest.  
"Don't you start." Gavin said.  
Hades jumped up and lept off of the bed, slinking off into the other room.

 

He strolled tiredly into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. He opened his cupboard and pulled out some - he smirked to himself - chamomile tea.  
A suggestion from the anger management therapist, that Fowler had made him see.

It didn't really help him sleep in the end, but normally he would have had a beer or something.  
This was probably a better habit. Less calories. And the warm drink  _was_ comforting.

 

Gavin poured it and went out onto his balcony, leaning on the railing. He lit a cigarette.

He cradled the cup close to him and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the heat seeping into his hand and chest. The cigarette smoke scorching down his throat.  
Both contrasting the cold night air blowing gently around him.  
It made him feel **alive**.  
_  
_

He exhaled, watching the smoke spread and then fade into the air, and remembered Connor watching him.  
Brown, curious eyes. Lately it seemed like they were always on Gavin.

 _And it's **great**. _he thought. _I can't get **enough.**_

 

His usual next move would be to try to get Connor to come over again, or even into the bathroom at work, to fool around.

 _Maybe Connor would be into that_.  
He was pretty efficient, to-the-point. Didn't beat around the bush.  
And he knew how to take charge when he wanted to, which Gavin found immensely attractive.

 _On the other hand, sometimes he's so wide-eyed and naive._  he thought, remembering him with the cat.  
_And I bet he's never even kissed anyone yet. Maybe he would want to take it slow._

He frowned to himself.  
_Dinner and a movie, romantic walks on the beaches, candlelight, all that noise?_

Gavin hated doing that stuff just to get into someone's pants. It was a bullshit social ritual, a waste of time.  
The gay guys in his circle tended to agree. Life was too short.   
Get to the fucking first. **Then** we can burn time do cutesy shit, once we've decide we actually like each other enough to date.  
  
  
_On the other hand._ he thought.  _I **do** just like spending time with him. So maybe it wouldn't be so bad. A change of pace._  
_And it might be fun if Connor's never done that stuff before. Firsts are always fun._

He remembered his first kiss. Well, his first  **real** kiss, one that wasn't a dare or a joke or a 'test', one that felt good.  
_James.  
_He was 15, so... it had been in 2017.

Smoking behind the school, with a friend that he'd had a massive crush on.  
_I thought I was **so** **cool** because I didn't vape like everyone else. _ Gavin thought with a smirk.   
But James didn't smoke, or vape. He just liked to keep Gavin company. Until that day, Gavin hadn't really thought about why.

Gavin had caught him staring out of the corner of his eye, and all the puzzle pieces had clicked into place.  
He'd been ecstatic at the realization. And the kiss had been  **electric**.  
  


Gavin smiled. First times were really something, when they were good.  
The adrenaline, the anxiety, the desire... nothing ever measured up.

 

  
The thought of sharing Connor's firsts was exciting.

 _If he's even interested._ _Or maybe I'm just daydreaming._ a small part of him thought. _  
_ He grinned.

 _This is the part where I beat myself up over whether he likes me, right?_   he thought wryly.  
_Or maybe even over whether I deserve someone like him._

  
Even though he'd spent his life ignoring it, there was still occasionally that voice in his head that cared what people thought.  
A voice that seemed overpowering to most people, but was barely audible to Gavin at this stage.

So he knew that if he cared that most people didn't like him, he'd be self-conscious about going after someone like Connor.

Someone well-liked, sweet, polite, friendly. And someone so inexperienced.  
_New and shiny. Fresh out of the box. Mint condition._ he thought sarcastically. _Oh, please.  
_

He'd probably feel like he was out of his league.  
Maybe he'd even feel _guilty_... like he was touching something clean with dirty hands.

  
_What a fucked up way to think._ Gavin thought.  
He grinned to himself.  
_Lucky for me, that's not my style._

 

 

He finished his cigarette and got up, walking back slowly into the living room.  
As he passed the entertainment system, he reached out to run a finger along the spines of his old Disney DVDs.  
A memento from his childhood.

 _Snow White, Pinocchio,_ he listed in his head as he ran his fingers along.  _Cinderella, 101 Dalmatians...  
_His finger stopped on  _The Little Mermaid_.

One of his favorite villains. Since he was little.

         "Dad! Look!" Gavin said, spotting a few early storefront decorations from the car window.  
         "Halloween's coming!"  
         "You should think of a costume" his Dad suggested.  
         "You're four now, I think you're old enough to pick **all by yourself**!

         Gavin thought for a minute.  
         "I wanna be Ursula!" Gavin said. "Like in Little Mermaid!"  
         "Oh... um..." his dad hesitated.  
         "What?" Gavin said. He could tell his dad didn't like the idea.  
         "You'd have to wear a  **dress** , you don't want to do that, do you?"  
         Gavin thought about it. "Why not?"

         "I just... don't think you should- I mean, there's nothing  **wrong** with it." his dad said.  
         "But maybe it's not a good idea? I mean, I'm sure you have other ideas right?"  
         "Why?" asked Gavin.  
         "Oh man, how do I even explain this kind of thing to a -"  
         His dad cut himself off and sighed.

         "It's just that, people might..." he struggled.  
         "It'll just attract the wrong kind of attention, that's all."  
         "Attention?" asked Gavin.  
         He didn't have any negative associations with attention yet. Didn't understand.

         "Yeah." his dad said. "Like, people might not be nice about it."  
         "Why not?" asked Gavin.  
         "Because... people are stupid." his dad said. "I mean, no!"  
         He corrected himself immediately. "Forget I said that. That's not a good attitude."  
         He sighed again.

         "Maybe I can't explain it. I don't know, Gav."  
         He searched for the words. "I just want you to have a nice Halloween, that's all!  
         And I think that if you go as Ursula, you're not going to have a good time."  
         "Because of people being stupid?" Gavin asked.  
         " _Dammit._ " his dad said under his breath. "But... yeah. I guess so, Gav.  
         Because sometimes people are **stupid**."

 

Feeling nostalgic, Gavin sat down on the couch.

"TV on." he said, picking up his headphones so that the neighbors wouldn't be woken up.  
"Search and play  _Poor Unfortunate Souls._ "

Ursula's face appeared on the screen. He hummed along as she posed and spun and swirled and SANG.  
_'Chewing the scenery'._   he thought with a smile. He loved that expression.  
Like all the villains, just adoring the spotlight, good or bad.

 

         Gavin was five now. He got home and excitedly grabbed some paper.  
         He sat at the kitchen table, drawing carefully.

         Eventually his dad came home. "What's that?"  
         "A Valentines day card." Gavin said.  
         "Oh yeah? It looks really good!" he said encouragingly. "Is it for homework?"  
         "No. We can just make one if we want to." Gavin answered. "To give to someone."

         " _Mr Peterson._ " his dad read, and once again Gavin could feel something was wrong.  
         "So... why him?"  
         "He said..." explained Gavin hesitantly.  
         "You're supposed to make one for someone that you like a lot. Someone special."

         He remembered how the teacher had explained it, when they'd asked.  
          _If someone makes you happy just by being around, and you just love to look at them_ _._  
  _Then you give them a Valentine's card._  
         And for Gavin, that was Mr Peterson. So he made the card.

         Mr Peterson was the best teacher **ever**.  
         He always knew how to explain stuff so that they understood.  
         Gavin thought he was **really** smart. And nice. And handsome. And funny.

         "Listen..." his dad hesitated. "Maybe that's not a good idea."  
         Gavin's memory stirred.  
         A year and three months might be a long time to a five year old, but he still recognized this.

         "There's nothing **wrong** with it, it just that the other kids might -"  
         "People are stupid." Gavin provided.  
         "... you remember that." his dad said, surprised.  
         " _The wrong attention_." Gavin recalled. "Yeah... I remember."

         Gavin put his pencil down and picked up the card, looking at it.  
         A big pink heart that he'd drawn  **very** carefully, so the lines wouldn't be wobbly.

         He got up and threw it sadly in the trash.  
         "Oh **God**." his dad said, clearly upset. "Gavin listen. I'm sorry."  
         Gavin looked up at him.

         "I want you to know that I love you, okay?" his dad said.  
         "And all I want is for you to be **happy**.  
         I'm just trying to... I just don't want you to have a hard time. That's **all**."

         When you're older..." He sighed. "When you're older, it won't matter so much.  
         Because it'll be easier for you to deal with people on your own."

 

         Gavin walked into the living room.  
         He put on the Little Mermaid, skipping a bit until he was close to the Ursula scene.  
         He liked Ursula the most, because she was **funny**. He didn't care if she was fat or ugly.

         But right now, he was just trying to put it all together.  
         ... why couldn't he be Ursula for Halloween?

         Gavin was only five, so he couldn't always **explain** the things he felt.  
         Right now he was **mad** , because it wasn't **fair**.  
         If there was nothing wrong with what he wanted to do, and if people were just being stupid.  
         Then why did he have to care what they thought?

         He watched the octopus-witch singing.

 

                   _And dear lady, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf_  
_Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed._

 

_**Pathetic.** she muttered to her henchmen. _

_Poor unfortunate souls!_  


 

  
         He watched her spin and dance. He'd always loved this song.  
         But now he was starting to really **understand** , for the first time, what Ursula meant by 'pathetic'.

         The poor unfortunate souls, so sad just because someone didn't like them.

_It **is** stupid._ realized Gavin. _People are **stupid**._  
_Ursula's right._

 

_  
In pain, in need_

_This one longing to be thinner_  
_That one wants to get the girl_  
_And I help them! Yes, indeed._

_Those poor unfortunate souls!_

 

 

      _She thinks it's **stupid**... that they want to be different just so other people like them more._

         He watched Ursula pose, spin, shout.  
_Yeah. **Ursula** doesn't care what anyone thinks. If anyone likes her._

 

_But without my voice, how can I- ?_  
_You'll have your **looks!**  Your pretty **face**!_  
_And don't underestimate the importance of **body language.** HA!_

_The men up there don't like a lot of **blabber**. They think a girl who gossips is a **bore!**_  
_Yes on land it's much preferred for ladies **not** to say a **word.**_  
_And after all dear, what is idle prattle **for**? Come ON!_

His mom always shook her head at this part, and one time she said...  
_Right,_  he remembered. _She said that it was true, but it wasn't **worth** it._  
_And then she told me it's better to just **be yourself**._

He frowned. _Adults always **say** that._  
_But then they always tell me what to do anyway. And to care about what people think._

_"Gavin! Use your inside voice. You're disturbing people."_  
_"You shouldn't have said that. No, Gavin, I know it's true, but it hurt her feelings."_  
_"There's nothing **wrong** with it. But maybe it's not a good idea."_

         He didn't like it, but he didn't know how to explain that they didn't make sense.  
         And when you couldn't explain, grownups didn't listen.

 

_"When you're older, it won't matter so much. It'll be easier to deal with people."_ his dad had said.  
          _When I'm a grownup... it won't matter what people think?_ Gavin thought.  
         He frowned. That didn't make sense either.

         None of the adults Gavin knew were like that. They all cared a  **lot** what people thought.  
         They cared way more than kids did.  
          _So how could it get **easier**? _

 

_They're **not** all that impressed with **conversation**!_  
_True gentlemen avoid it when they can._  
_But they **dote** and **swoon** and **fawn** on a lady who's **withdrawn**_  
_It's she who **holds her tongue** who **gets a** **man**! Come **ON**! _

         He didn't know the word 'ironic' yet, but he realized that it was **funny.**  
         That the witch was singing so loudly and waving around while saying how people like it when you stay quiet.   
          _Ursula knows but she doesn't care._ thought Gavin.  
          _Doesn't care about what people think. Doesn't care about 'attracting attention'._

         His head felt heavy.  
         The gears were turning fast in Gavin's five-year-old mind.  
         Following this thread was hard, and he still wasn't sure where it was taking him.

  
  
_You **poor unfortunate soul!  
**                  **Go ahead**!_

_Make your **choice!**_

         Adults were always asking him to choose what he wanted to be when he grew up.  
          _"When you're older..."_    
         Now he finally had an answer.  
          _I wanna be somebody that doesn't care about what other people think. About the wrong attention._  
         But he didn't know any grownups like that.

  
        _"There aren't many astronauts or presidents, are there? That's because it's **really** **hard**." _  
_Mr Peterson had said once._  
_"If you want to to be something like an astronaut, or the president, you have to start working on it early._  
_You don't just **decide** and it happens, you have to start making choices and doing things, even  **now**."_

_"You know... "  his teacher had trailed off, looking into space._  
_"When I was a kid, I thought someday I'd just **wake up** and be a grownup. And I'd know everything._  
_But you don't just turn into someone else one day. You just start making different choices."_

_"When you're older, it won't matter so much. It'll be easier to deal with people."_  his dad had said.  
         But if his teacher was right, then his dad was wrong.  
         He wasn't just going to  **change** someday. And other people wouldn't, either. _  
_

 

_I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day_

_And it won't **cost much**!_

_Just your **VOICE**!_

 

         Ariel was **stupid**.  
         Gavin never realized that till now.  
         Stupid, and **he didn't have to be like her.**

           
         Gavin didn't know the word 'determined' yet.  
         He just knew that he'd very much made up his mind.

         He got up and went back to the kitchen, looking in the trash.  
         The card was ruined, stained with something gross.  
         He took another piece of paper and started drawing.

          _Something different._ he thought, and took the purple and black instead of pink.  
          _Like Ursula._ he thought.

        _And if anyone says something **stupid** , I'll just tell them how **stupid** they are.  
         And if they don't like me anymore, I won't care._  he promised himself.   
_From now on, I'll **never** care._

_Everyone else can care, and be sad._

  
_This_  
  
_**POOR**_  
  
_**UN -**_ _ **FOR -**_ _ **TUNATE**_  
  
_**SOOOOUL**_


	8. Potentiality

 

 

 

  
Another day. Which meant another "Good morning" from Connor. Another coffee, smile, invitation to lunch.  
_Another **beautiful** day._  Gavin thought, as he accepted the coffee with a warm 'Thank you'.

He watched Connor return to his desk and sit down.  
_I should ask him if he wants to grab a drink after work._ he was thinking.  
_Wait. He doesn't drink. Literally.  
__Dinner is off the table too._ _Where the fuck do you take an android out?_

  
Connor looked up to see Gavin staring thoughtfully at him, and felt slightly embarrassed for some reason.  
Gavin noticed and seem startled for a moment, before giving Connor a confident grin.

Connor smiled back awkwardly. But he felt...  
He wasn't good with feelings. They were too new to him, still hard to name.  
He just knew he both liked the attention and found it a little overwhelming.

 

Later Gavin approached his desk. Hank eyed him distrustfully.

 _We're not going to be friends, but... he's cleaning up his act._   Gavin thought. _  
I can cut him **some** slack._

"... hello, Lieutenant." Gavin said stiffly.  
"Hello, Detective." came the wary reply.

Gavin tried to shake off the awkwardness of the encounter.  
"Would the gentleman care to join me for lunch?" he said jokingly to Connor.

"Of course." Connor said, embarrassed but smiling at Gavin's faux formality. "Just let me finish up."  
Gavin grinned. "I'll just be outside."  
He went out to have a cigarette.

Hank caught Connor's eye and gave him a quizzical look.  
Connor looked back questioningly. "Yes?"  
Hank just shook his head and looked amused.  
"What?" Connor asked, annoyed.  
"Nothing." Hank said.

  
Connor decided to ignore him and walked out the front door, where Gavin was smoking another cigarette. He offered one to Connor again.  
"No thanks." he replied.  
He had to admit that watching Gavin smoke was more fun than actually doing it himself.

  
They headed down the street together, in a slightly different direction today.  
"So, what do you do for fun?" asked Gavin, fishing for something he could ask Connor to do with him.  
"Oh... I don't know." Connor said. "I go for walks with Hank's dog, Sumo."  
"How about when you go out with friends?" asked Gavin.   
Connor hesitated. "Occasionally, I spend time with Markus and his friends. We just... 'hang out'."

Markus invited Connor out with North, Simon and Josh fairly often, but he always felt like he didn't quite belong.  
So he usually said no.

  
"Yeah?" Gavin said, surprised. "You know, it's hard to imagine him just... hanging out."  
"Markus can be pretty intense when the situation requires it." agreed Connor. "But if you're his friend you know that he's just... a person."

"Huh." said Gavin. "You're the first android I've heard talk about him like he's not some kind of... savior, sent from above."  
"He has that effect on a lot of us." Connor agreed. "He's very charismatic."  
"It's a little... freaky." Gavin admitted. "I get this 'born-again' vibe from a lot of you. And the way they'll walk into gunfire for him..."

Gavin shook his head. "I could never do something like that.  
I mean, it's nice that you're all so forgiving but, **damn**. Didn't you want **fight back**? How do you just stand and face the firing squad?"

Connor grinned. "You sound like North."  
"Who?" asked Gavin.  
"Markus's girlfriend." Connor explained. "She wanted to fight from day one. And she wasn't the only one.  
It wasn't like everyone was totally on board, no questions asked. But they knew it was either all of us together, or not at all."

"Huh." Gavin said.  
He grinned. "I can't believe the woman from that kiss actually wanted to fight us all. That's kind of awesome."

 

 _I almost want to introduce him._ thought Connor, amused.  
_Actually... I could, couldn't I? That would be crazy, introducing Gavin to..._

 _Actually..._  
Markus had invited Connor to come out with him, North, Simon and Josh the next night.  
He'd said no. The four of them had been through so much together that it made him feel... extraneous.

But, picturing Gavin there...  
_If I brought someone... maybe I wouldn't feel left out._  
_Maybe I **should** invite him._

He placed a call in his mind. _  
Hey, Connor._   Markus answered. _  
Hello, Markus._   Connor thought back. _Are you still having drinks tomorrow?  
Yes. Did you change your mind?_  Markus asked, sounding pleasantly surprised. _  
I was wondering... would it be okay if I brought Gavin with me?_   he asked. _I understand if it's not.  
Gavin Reed? _ Markus said, surprised. _I see you two are getting along even better than expected._  
_... you know how North is with humans. Do you think Gavin can handle that?_

Connor thought about it. _  
It'll either be great, or a **complete** disaster. _ he said. _But... either way, it won't be boring?  
_Markus chuckled. _You know what? I **like** this new attitude._  
_And I like that you're coming out with us. So, bring anyone you want._  
  
  
"I'm actually seeing Markus and the others for drinks tomorrow." Connor said.  
"Drinks?" asked Gavin, confused.  
"Thirium, modified to make us feel intoxicated for a while." Connor explained. "It was invented not too long ago. There are more and more places that sell drinks for androids too."  
"Oh!" Gavin said, happily. He could ask Connor out for drinks after all -

"I was thinking, would you like to come?" Connor asked hopefully.  
"... I do have to warn you, North doesn't like humans much, so she might be a bit hostile. I'll understand if you don't want to."

The idea of spending the evening with a group of androids Gavin didn't know wasn't that appealing.  
_But **he asked me** to do something.  _he thought.  _And, these are his friends. I can at least try meeting them.  
_"Yeah! Okay!" he said.

Connor smiled happily. "I'll pick you up at 8?"  
"I'll be ready."

 

They strolled up to a different place, a food truck similar to the Chicken Feed, with several tables to stand around.  
This place also had a line, with several groups of people standing haphazardly.

As Gavin stood in line, scanning the menu, a man came up to read it as well.  
Connor noticed his body language was strange, leaning towards one of the larger groups in the line.  
Then when the line moved, the man casually stepped in as if he belonged there.

“Hey!” Gavin said immediately.  
_Of course._   thought Connor, amused.

A few people looked at him, but the man didn’t appear to notice or pretended not to.  
“Hey, line-cutter!" Gavin insisted. "You **know** who you are!” The line grew a little quieter.  
He gestured angrily to the line. “I don’t know how **lines work** where you come from, but here, they start at the back.”

People were starting to stare at the line-cutter too, and he was starting to seem nervous.  
“You. Black hair, ugly cheap-ass suit? You had better be deaf, asshole!” Gavin continued relentlessly.  
The man finally turned his head and glared at him.  
“Oh good, you can hear fine.” said Gavin in mock relief. “You’re a fully functional piece of shit.”  
Two women in the crowd giggled. The man flushed.  
“Oh, whatever!” he said, stepping out of line and storming to the back.

Gavin grinned triumphantly.  
“Happy?” the man said from the back.  
“Ecstatic!” Gavin called back, unwilling to let the man have the last word.  
Connor shook his head.

 

 

"Always happy to make a scene." Connor said teasingly, when they sat down.

"You can't tell me he didn't have it coming!" Gavin protested.  
"I guess I can't." Connor acknowledged.

Gavin unwrapped his burger.  
Music started playing in his mind.  _He had it coming..._  
"Fuck." he said. "I'm gonna have that damn song stuck in my head now."  
"What song?" asked Connor curiously.  
"He Had It Coming." Gavin said. "It's from a musical. 'Chicago'."

"You like musicals?" Connor asked.  
"Yeah." Gavin said, shrugging. "I like music, generally. And Disney songs are basically showtunes. It's not a huge step."  
He hummed a little.   
_Of all the damn songs..._

 

“Anyway, he **did** have it coming. And I can’t stand people that just let stuff happen and don’t say anything.”  
Gavin said, after getting through a few bites of his burger.  
“Bystanders.”

“Most people just want to avoid unnecessary confrontation.” said Connor.  
“Pussies.” Gavin said.  
Connor look taken aback.  
“Look I’m just **saying** ,” Gavin said. “Everyone’s scared to be too loud, make a scene. They just blend into the background.  
Well, we only get so much time on this earth. I’m not going to spend it as a passenger on someone else’s ride. Carpe fucking diem.”

“Hell,” he said. “That’s what I like about you, Connor.”  
“Me?” asked Connor, surprised.  
“Yeah.” Gavin said. “Mr _‘Sorry, I only take orders from Lieutenant Anderson’_.”  
He mimicked Connor, sounding incredibly smug.  
“You could have just gotten me that coffee, it would have taken like two seconds. But you didn’t want to give me the satisfaction.”  
He gave Connor a knowing smile.

“... you **punched me in the stomach** for that.” Connor said, confused.  
Gavin looked regretful. “Yeah, cause I’m a fucking idiot. And because I was so focused on being right that I didn’t think about anything else.”  
“Right about what?”  
“That you were a deviant.” explained Gavin.  
“I wasn’t a deviant then.” denied Connor.

“Come on, you’re telling me that when you took charge in the interrogation room and pushed Chris away, that wasn’t deviant?”  
Gavin said disbelievingly. “You were **bossy** , even angry. I’ve never seen an android do something like that before."  
Connor shrugged. "Cyberlife made me pretty unusual. I may have always been a little bit deviant."

 

Gavin finished up his burger, thinking about it.

 

"So... when **did** you become fully deviant?" asked Gavin, as they stood to leave.  
"... not till the raid on Jericho." Connor said distantly.  
_Sensitive topic?_   thought Gavin, walking along.

_... if he wasn't a deviant, then..._

"So if I had won." he said, changing the subject. "In the evidence room. They would still have brought you back?"  
"Right." Connor said uncertainly.  
"That makes me feel a little better." Gavin admitted. "I know maybe that's selfish to say but...  
It helps knowing that there's no way I could have killed you that day."

Connor said nothing. But Gavin sensed that this new topic was even worse.  
They walked quietly.

The same old feelings of guilt were brewing up inside of Connor.  
Of all the things he was responsible for, the Jericho raid was the one that hurt the most.

He'd talked to Markus. He'd talked to Hank. They told him it wasn't his fault, he hadn't known.  
That he shouldn't carry this guilt, because it wouldn't fix anything.  
None of it helped. And he always felt like they were just saying whatever might make him feel better.

He could see Gavin glancing at him, concerned, but saying nothing.

He'd stopped talking to Markus and Hank about it, even though they badgered him, because it was always the same thing.  
But Gavin... wasn't like them. He was truly, painfully honest.  
And Gavin had shared enough with him yesterday that he felt like maybe,  **maybe** , Gavin might actually understand.

 

 

Connor eventually slowed and stopped walking.  
"Sometimes..." he said quietly, looking at the ground.  
"I wish that you had."

Gavin stopped, turning.  
_What?_  
"Had... killed you?" he asked in disbelief.  
Connor nodded.  
"... why?" asked Gavin.

Connor took a breath.  
"Then I wouldn't have made it to Jericho." he explained.  
"The raid on Jericho was my fault. Cyberlife tracked me there, that's how they knew where it was."  
"Oh." Gavin said.  
_Oh God._

"I deviated after trying to capture Markus." he continued.  
"And then we had to run. There were soldiers  **everywhere** , and  **so many** died..."

"Later I confessed to Markus." he said, shrugging. "And he just... forgave me.  
Even though there were so few left, I really thought I'd killed the revolution too. That even the survivors were doomed."

"And so I went on this crazy suicide mission. Infiltrate Cyberlife. Convert all the androids."  
He gave Gavin a hollow smile.  
"I didn't actually think I was coming back. My probability of success was so low. But that tiny, insignificant probability was worth... more than me."

 _Jesus._ Gavin thought.  _Shit. Why is he telling **me** this?_

"But then Cyberlife got Hank involved. And I couldn't let anything happen to him, or, let him see anything happen to me." he said.  
"So somehow, I ended up walking out of there. Leading an army of deviants to Markus. Helping save our people."  
He sighed.

"So I'm supposed to feel better, then, right?" he asked. "But that didn't bring anyone back from the dead. I just... replaced them.  
If I hadn't found Jericho, there wouldn't have been any need to go to Cyberlife in the first place.

So..." he searched for words.  
"If you'd been able to kill me in the evidence room, none of that would have happened. And that would have been... better.  
... the world would be a better place without me in it."

 

Gavin felt paralyzed.  
_**Shit shit shit shit shit SHIT**. Why me?  _he thought.  _I don't know the right things to say.  
This is so important, and I'm not... the right person. So why me, why not Markus or Hank or goddamnit,  **anybody else**?_

But there wasn't anyone else now. Just Gavin.

 _Come on._   he thought.  _I can't leave him hanging, I gotta do this. I gotta figure out what to say._  

 

But there was nothing. Gavin was far too used to the plain, cold truth. He'd never put any effort into learning how to twist the world into a more pleasant, bearable shape.

"I... I don't know." he admitted. "I'm not... have you talked to anyone about this?"  
Connor shook his head. "It doesn't help..."

A few more moments of awkward silence, and Connor said  "It's okay... don't worry about it."

"No, listen." Gavin said.  
Connor looked back at him.

 _Fuck._   Gavin thought.  _Well, here goes nothing. Just the truth... just me._

"... _dammit_. Yeah, okay! I guess you're right." he said.  
Connor blinked, startled.

"If you hadn't gone, they wouldn't have died." Gavin continued. "Can't argue with that.  
And if you'd known, you'd rather have died?"

Connor nodded.

"Okay.:" Gavin said. "Yeah, because any decent person would, wouldn't they? And you  **are** a decent person.  
If only you'd known. But you  **didn't** know."

"That doesn't make me feel any better about it." Connor said, sadly.

"Well, of  **course** you feel like shit, even though you didn't mean it. I mean, fuck, it's only been two months!" Gavin exclaimed.  
"Of course you're not 'over it'! Who would be!? But eventually, you  **will** start to feel better. If you let yourself." 

Connor looked down again.

"Just talk to me." Gavin insisted.

"'Let myself' feel better?" Connor asked. "I don't think I can."

"Why? You think you don't deserve to feel better?" Gavin asked. "Well, people don't usually get what they deserve.  
Don't torture yourself, trust me, life will do that for you. And besides, is the world 'a better place' if you're suffering?"

Connor looked curiously at him.

 

"No, exactly." Gavin continued. "Look, I respect that if you knew then what you know now, you'd have done differently.  
If they ever invent a time machine, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it, okay?"  
_Timelines_.  he thought, gaining inspiration.

"But unless they invent one, the future only branches off from today, from right now." he said.  
"And today, this whole week, was better with you in it. Tomorrow, the days after that, will all be better too.  
There's no future left anymore that's worse for you being in it. You got that?"

Connor stared at him.  
"... yeah." he said softly.

"Okay!" Gavin said, relief washing over him. "Good."  
He stood, uncertainly.  
  


Connor slowly started walking again, and Gavin followed suit.  
"... thank you." he said eventually.

 _Please never fucking do that again._ Gavin thought. _Holy shit._

"Anytime." he said instead.

 

 


	9. Heart to Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I picture Connor's shirt.  
> https://www.ungeek.ph/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/39568089_10160923740900171_4547839426901835776_n.jpg

 

 

Gavin recieved a text message at 10.30am.  
He groaned.  
_Who the fuck is bothering me on Saturday morning?  
_He glanced at the phone.

       Tina:  _I'm hungover. Want brunch?  
_

_Well..._ Gavin contemplated.  
He couldn't deny he missed hanging out with her.  
_Fuck it._

       Gavin:  _Where?_

Tina sent him the address. He dragged himself out of bed.  
_Why does everything hurt?_  
_Oh right... gym._  
His upper body was aching from last night.   
He threw on his usual outfit and fed Hades, giving him a sleepy, absent minded pet on his way out.

 

By 11am he reached the cafe.  
"Tina!" he called, making his way to the table where Tina sat, wearing sunglasses and slouching. "You look like shit."  
"Gav." she said with a pained grin. "How's it going?"

"Not bad." Gavin said, taking a chair. He ordered eggs on toast and black coffee, while Tina ordered eggs Benedict with extra bacon and a screwdriver.  
She rolled her eyes at his order. "If you want boring food, why bother with a cafe?"  
"Somehow it still tastes better than when I make it."  
"That, I believe." Tina laughed.

He grinned. They'd slipped into their old banter so easily.

 

"Soooo..." Tina said, once their food arrived. "You know you're not supposed to date coworkers, right?"  
"What?"  
"Connor. I see the way you've been looking at him." Tina pried.  
"If they wanna tell me what to do during my personal time, they can pay me 24/7." he retorted. "Besides, we're not dating... yet."  
Tina shrugged.  
"Fair enough. So? When are you making a move on Prince Charming?"  
Gavin groaned. "I tell you I love Disney movies, you never stop using it against me."  
"How can I resist?" Tina teased. "Now quit stalling, how's it going?"

"It's been... alright." Gavin said, hesitantly.  
Tina frowned. "I know that tone. Something wrong?"  
"Well, we've had a couple of moment where we've both talked about some really... sensitive stuff."  
"Ooof." Tina said, knowing Gavin wasn't exactly the sensitive type. "How did **that** go?"  
"I think I actually handled it pretty well." Gavin admitted. "Despite, you know, **me**."  
"So what's the problem?"

Gavin hesitated.  
"Oh man." Tina said, putting down her fork. "Don't tell me that Connor showing some emotional vulnerability turned you off?"  
Gavin scowled at her. "It's not  **exactly**  that."  
"What is it, then?"  
"I just prefer my men... uncomplicated." Gavin grumbled.  
"You should've gone for it  **before** he went deviant." Tina goaded him. "No inconvenient emotions."  
"Fuck off." Gavin grumbled, sipping his coffee. "I just wanna have a good time, that's all, and catch some feelings. Not play therapist. I'm not qualified for that."

  
He bit his toast unenthusiastically.  
"It's not that I'm turned off." he eventually said. "It's just... a lot."  
"It's too much? You need a safeword for when things get too emotional?" Tina teased.  
"Yeah, actually. I need an emotional safeword." Gavin affirmed jokingly. "Is that a thing?"  
"It's not."  
Gavin grinned, pulling out his phone and typing it out.  
"It's not a thing, Gav."  
"It's a thing now. I'm making it one." Gavin retorted.  
" **Don't** make it a thing."  
"#EmotionalSafeword."  
"Do not!" protested Tina.

He chuckled, and Tina joined in with a few giggles.

  
"So what, then?" she asked. "Are you backing off?"   
Gavin shook his head.  
"I like him too fucking much." Gavin admitted. " **Already**. Which kinda freaks me out too."

Tina looked a little more sympathetic.  
"It's starting to sound to me like you just don't like seeing him upset. And if you're worried, that just means you care, and that mean's you're good for -"  
"That's bullshit." Gavin interrupted. "You can care about someone and still be bad for them. Trust me."

"...is that what you're worried about?" Tina noticed. "Being bad for him?"  
_Uhhhh_  
"No, totally different topic." he denied.  
"Awwwwww. That's... surprisingly selfless, Gavin."  
"I'm the opposite of selfless."  
"Suuuure." Tina said.  
"I just want a boyfriend that can handle my blunt, loudmouth ass."  
"Whatever you say, honey."

 

 

 

Connor held up an armful of clothing.  
"Hank. I don't know what to wear."  
Hank groaned. "You've seen my wardrobe. Why're you asking  **me**?"  
"Because you're the only one here." Connor pouted.  
Hank shook his head. "The blue one is nice, fits you well."  
"Thank you!" Connor said happily, disappearing into his room to change.

Hank smiled at Connor as he came out.  
"I've never seen you this excited to hang out with Markus before." he observed.  
Connor cocked his head.  
"At any rate, I'm glad you're going out." Hank continued. "You're young, you should be having a good time, making friends."

Connor smiled at him. "It'll be fun."  
Hank smiled back fondly.

 

Soon Connor was ready to go.

Hank sniffed the air. "Are you wearing cologne?"  
"Oh." Connor said. "Just a little. I thought I'd try it."  
Hank smiled knowingly. "Got your eye on someone in Markus's crew?"  
"What?" Connor asked.  
"You know, a crush you're trying to impress?"  
"No, nothing like that."  
Hank just nodded, seeming unconvinced but amused.

  
Connor checked the mirror one last time.  
Hank's question weighed on his mind.  
_I'm trying to impress Gavin, aren't I?_   he thought to himself, as he adjusted his hair **just** a little bit more.  
_**Really** trying._  
He was starting to wonder how exactly he felt. He was certainly a little vain, so...   
_Maybe I just want attention?_ _Is that all? How do you know?_

 _Gavin is certainly handsome._  
He recalled thinking how pretty the RT600 was at Kamski's, too. But he hadn't tied that impression to any particular _desire_ yet. __  


  
"So what are you kids up to tonight?" asked Hank.  
"I'll pick up Gavin and then we'll all go to a bar."  
Hank's smile fell a little. "Gavin's coming with you?"  
"Yes?" Connor said.  
"Ah. That's why..."

 _Why do you have to be such a good detective, Hank?  
_He hoped Hank didn't ask him outright, because he didn't have an answer yet.

 

Hank sighed. "Listen, I wasn't gonna do the whole 'worried dad' schtick, but... he's **good** to you, right? He better treat you with respect. **All** the time."  
"He does." Connor reassured him. "And I know how to stand up for myself." 

Hank shook his head. "Do you, Connor?"  
Connor frowned. "What do you mean?"  
"You never said anything when I was being a real piece of shit to you." Hank said, clearly ashamed of himself. "Before the revolution."  
Hank had apologized before, but it clearly still weighed on him.

"It's different now." Connor insisted. "I'm a deviant. I'm not forced by my mission to work with or get along with anyone."  
"I know. But I set the **worst**  example. I just wanna make sure you don't think all that hot-n-cold bullshit I pulled is acceptable."  
Hank continued. "And then you get so down on yourself sometimes. Thinking about Jericho, or some of our early cases."  
Connor frowned. He felt guilty to think that he'd worried Hank so much.  
"You know you deserve the best, right?" Hank said.

"I talked to Gavin about Jericho." Connor said.   
Hank looked startled. "Yeah?"  
"It helped."  
Hank processed that. "That's... I'm really glad to hear that."  
He looked over Connor. "You do seem... happier lately."  
"I think I **am**." Connor acknowledged.  
"Alright." Hank said, calming down. "I'm sorry, Connor. It's hard for me not to treat you like a kid. I still feel like I gotta look after you."  
  
"That's okay." Connor smiled. "I bother you enough about your lifestyle and health. You're allowed to worry about me too."  
Hank chuckled. "I guess it's only fair, huh?"

 

 

 

At 7:50, Gavin was getting ready when he heard knocking on his door.  
He opened it to find Connor already there, looking amazing.  
Gavin noticed a pleasant, woody smell and realized that he had put on a little cologne as well.  
_For me?_   he hoped.

Connor was wearing a navy blue button down shirt. His hair was a little looser, wavier than usual.  
_God he's hot._  
Connor gave him his usual lopsided smile, and he felt his earlier reservations melting away.  
_Oh, I've got it **bad**._  Gavin thought happily. _  
_

"Damn. You look great."  
Connor preened a little inside at the compliment, and tried to figure out why.  
  
"You're early, though." Gavin continued.  
"Sorry." Connor said. "I don't mind waiting a little while."

"Alright, come sit down." Gavin said.  
He gestured inside, and Connor entered, hanging up his jacket and making a beeline for his couch.  
He sat down and looked around, eagerly.

He seemed to be looking at floor level...  
"... did you come early just so you could come in and pet my cat?" Gavin asked.  
"Maybe." Connor said sheepishly.  
Gavin chuckled.  
He pulled out the bag of treats again, giving it to Connor, and went to finish getting ready.

 

When he eventually came back out, he was startled to see Hades curled up in Connor's lap, purring as he pet him.  
"Wow." he said, coming over. "How'd you pull that off?"  
Connor looked sheepish again.  
"What?" asked Gavin suspiciously.

"I read that cats like warm places." Connor said. "So when he came for the treats, I increased the temperature of my lap. It was quite effective."

"Seriously?" Gavin said, laughing. "Neat trick."  
He looked at his watch.  
"Looks like it's 8." he said. "We'd better head out."

Connor looked down at the cat, and then looked up at Gavin helplessly.  
Gavin chuckled again.  
_If I still had any doubt about his humanity._  he thought. _It'd be gone now._

"Alright, I'll be the bad guy." he said, coming over and gently scooping up the cat.  
It gave a sassy meow.  
"This is why I called him Hades." Gavin said, as the cat jumped out of his arms and flicked it's tail angrily as it walked out.  
"Cause of his attitude, not his color."

Connor got up, and Gavin led him to the hallway, offering a lint roller to remove the hair.

Connor checked the mirror one final time.  
Gavin watched, glad to see Connor's old habit hadn't changed.  
_Confidence. Definitely a turn on._ he thought.  
And confident guys were more relaxed in bed. _A **big**_ _turn on._

"It's cute how vain you are." he teased.  
Connor smirked but Gavin could see a little embarrassment.  
_You **do get** that I'm flirting like a madman, right?  _he thought to Connor.

Connor was certainly noticing how much Gavin liked to compliment him.

"Alright, I get the hint, we can leave." he said, abandoning the mirror.

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Assimilation

 

 

 

They got off the train and entered what looked like a quite large bar with two floors. It was almost more of a club.  
A mix of androids and humans occupied the place, and in the corner he recognized the four leaders of Jericho sitting in bar stools around a table.  
Gavin could tell that many of the androids in the place were sneaking glances over at the four, a little star-struck.

Connor led them up to the table, and the four stood.

  
Connor frowned, already noticing North's hostile body language.  
She'd had a brief phase of acceptance towards the end of the revolution, but after a while she'd started slipping into her old ways again.  
_Please let this go well._ Connor thought.

 

"Crew, this is Gavin." Connor said, introducing them.  
"Crew?" Gavin asked.  
"What we call our little group. It's a ship reference." Markus explained, shaking his hand warmly. "Nice to meet you. I'm Markus"  
"You too." Gavin replied. "Of course, I know who you are."  
_He's incredibly handsome._ Gavin couldn't help but notice.  _But so... upright. Poised._  
Markus held himself in a way that...  
_He reeks of money.  
__No. Class._

Connor watched Gavin interact, admiring how he didn't seem shy or nervous about meeting a group of new people.  
Connor didn't get shy either, but that was partly thanks to his social adaptation programming giving him something to work off of.

  
Gavin shook hands with Simon, a shy blond that was setting off his gaydar pretty strongly, and Josh, a tall but unimposing man, who introduced themselves.  
He nodded to North, since she had her arms folded defensively.  
"And of course, North." Gavin decided to say, since she didn't bother.  
North eyed him distrustingly. "You knew  **my** name?"  
"You're pretty famous too. As Markus's girlfriend." Gavin explained.

North scowled. "How about as his  **lieutenant**. Right hand woman."  
"She'll also accept bodyguard." Markus defused the situation with a joke.  
"Oh. My bad. I didn't know." Gavin accepted that he'd screwed that up, and decided to leave it alone.

Connor noticed Markus eyeing North with slight disappointment, and her looking irritably back.  
They were probably having a brief exchange wirelessly.

 _She really doesn't like humans, huh?_ thought Gavin.  _Can't blame her._  
_And yet she went along with the peaceful demonstration. She can't have agreed with it._

He looked her over, reddish hair, and couldn't help but joke to himself.  _Hi, Ariel._  
_So, Princess, you gave up your voice for your Prince, had a magic, life-saving kiss, and now you've got your happily-ever-after in the world of humans.  
__Are you happy?_

He doubted it.

   
"Well, I'll grab some drinks, shall I?" Markus said, gesturing to two empty chairs for Connor and Gavin. "What'll you two have?"  
"I'll have a beer." Gavin answered.  
"A standard thirium shot." answered Connor, and Josh, North and Simon confirmed the same thing.  
"Awesome, be right back." Markus said, smiling.  
"Wait, you can't carry all that by yourself..." Simon went after him.

The remaining four made awkward conversation. Josh and North didn't seem that close, Gavin noticed.

"So you two work together?" Josh asked.  
"Yes." Connor nodded. "Gavin's a detective at the DPD as well."  
"Homicide too?" Josh asked. "Like Hank?"  
"Yeah." answered Gavin.  
"Kill any androids during the revolution?" North baited. Gavin wondered if she was thinking of Chris.  
" **North**." Josh said, in a low, shocked tone.

"I hate small talk too." Gavin said sarcastically.  
He returned her stare, not backing down. He wasn't going to dance around her all night.  
"No." Gavin said honestly. "But not for lack of trying."

An awkward silence ensued.  
"Luckily I'm tougher than I look." Connor said, trying to break the tension.

" _Anyway._ " Josh said. "This place is great. Not too noisy."  
"Yeah." Gavin said, in a jokingly sarcastic tone. "I would hate to miss **this** conversation."  
Connor smiled a little, and Gavin thanked God that this android had the same biting sense of humor.

 

"So, what are you guys doing now that the revolution is over?" Gavin asked, as Markus finally returned, Simon in tow.  
"There's still so much work to be done." Josh said. "Amending the law, integrating androids into human life. Ensuring we're truly equal. Some humans are still resistant. It's not over yet."  
"It will **never** be over." muttered North.

"That's true." Markus agreed, Simon in tow, coming back over with the drinks. "Just look at other minority or disenfranchised groups. It gets easier, but there will always be holdouts. Battles to fight."  
Josh nodded. "I think the peaceful approach has really helped bring public opinion to our side."  
"Yeah. It was hard to paint you as the bad guys when you didn't hurt anyone, as much as the media tried." Gavin agreed.  
"It was the just right thing to do." Josh said.  
"Oh, I don't know about that." Gavin said. "I don't think it would have been  **wrong** for you guys to go to war, after everything we did."

Connor noticed North's attention flick to Gavin.  
He was interested, too, to see where this went.

"You can't fight violence with violence." Markus insisted.  
"Yeah you can." Gavin said. "We did it all the time, historically. Fought the Nazis."  
"How about the Civil Rights movement?" asked Josh. "Pacifist. Effective."  
"Protests didn't end slavery. We had to have a whole civil war over that first." Gavin countered. "Then came rights."  
Josh seemed a little stuck on that one. "That was... the past. People are more understanding now, in many ways **because** of the civil rights movement."  
"I definitely don't think so." Gavin said. "Okay, how about gay rights? 1969. Stonewall riots. Violent, but effective."

He'd loved that bit of history as a teen. Imagining how it must have felt.

"Stonewall riots?" Connor asked.  
Gavin grinned, leaning forward. _Story time._

"Back in the day, homosexuality was illegal in pretty much every state. Or it was classified as a severe and dangerous mental illness, get you locked up for a long time or even castrated or lobotomized." Gavin explained, trying to set the stage. "Didn't matter if you did it behind closed doors, didn't matter if you weren't hurting anyone."  
"Typical humans." North said bitterly.

"And there were movements trying to change that." Gavin said.  
"So many somber little marches and pickets, where nice, proper white people dressed up as modestly as they could and had a quiet walk with some signs. Trying to show how straight and non-threatening they looked. Didn't help that much, though."

"Then one day in 1969, in the Village in New York, the police raided the Stonewall Inn. A gay bar for the most marginalized people.  
The homeless; street kids. The effeminate. Drag queens. Transgender people. Non-white LGBT folk.  
People with nothing to lose when the cops tried to raid the bar and arrest them, so they resisted. Wouldn't give their IDs, wouldn't let themselves be 'inspected' to see if they're wearing the 'right' clothing."  
Gavin recounted as best he could.

"A crowd formed as the police waited for the paddy wagons and tried to get the detainees under control. And the crowd started to realize they outnumbered the police. Started thinking, why are we just standing here?  
The cops were being assholes. Roughed some people up.  
Tension just built up, until the crowd finally snapped. I mean they just **lost** their  **shit**. Started trying to flip the paddywagons, slashing tires.   
The cops barricaded themselves in the Inn to wait for backup. The rioters tore up parking meters and broke the Inn's windows, then set garbage on fire, stuffed it through the windows."

 _North looks interested._ thought Connor. Her posture was still the same, but she had a glint in her eyes.  
He looked at Markus, who clearly had mixed feelings about their mutual enthusiasm for riots.  
_Well, he's not interrupting._

  
"The riot police showed up, formed a line. Tried to push people back. And -" he loved this "the rioters started a kick line."  
"What's a kick line?" Simon asked.  
"It's that thing, like a chorus line. Like the Rockettes." Gavin tried to explain. "When you stand in a line and all kick your legs up together at the same time, to music."  
"Oh, that." Josh said, nodding.  
"Yeah." Gavin continued. "They started singing obscene shit, doing a little routine, just being so, so  **gay**. To spite the cops.  
It pissed the cops off so much that they attacked, and the rioters resisted, about three hours of fighting altogether until the police finally retreated.  
They actually beat back the police! It was almost unheard of. They did it the next night too. Just claimed the streets.  
It brought new life, new passion to the gay rights movement." he concluded. "Nothing was the same after. They realized that they had power."

North nodded. 

"It can't have been good for public image." Josh said. "I know the media had a field day."  
"Back then? Obviously." Gavin recalled the news quote. "I believe the local paper in the Village called the protesters 'the limp-wristed forces of faggotry'."  
" **Wow**." Simon said. North snorted at that.  
"So, what did the 'forces of faggotry' do about it?" North asked, getting a chuckle from Gavin.  
"Oh, a mob went down to the paper's offices and threatened to burn it down. Cops came, just to get their asses handed to them again." Gavin said.  
North grinned.  
"The papers just couldn't handle how these 'sissies' had somehow won." Gavin said. "And nothing they said could change that."

"I do know that it was a turning point in how the LGBT movement viewed itself, too." Josh added. "The youth rejected the older generation's attempts to blend in and assimilate completely to straight culture."  
"You know the story." Gavin noticed.  
"Most of it. I taught some history at Detroit University." Josh said. "Although I've never heard it described so... passionately."

"It was an amazing moment in history." Gavin said, remembering how learning about it had reaffirmed to him so many of his life choices.  
"When gay people decided that they were tired of trying not to attract the wrong kind of attention."

"You're very passionate about this issue." Markus said approvingly.  
"I am." said Gavin. "All these minority groups are expected to be perfect, and passive, just to be allowed to exist. It's not right."  
North was nodding, and then seemed to catch herself and leaned back in her chair casually.  
"I'm still mad at myself for not realizing I was doing the same thing to androids." Gavin admitted.

"I still think we made the right decision." said Josh.  
"Things worked out." Gavin acknowledged. 

 

He looked over at Connor, hoping he didn't mind how he'd hijacked the conversation.  
Connor only looked at him approvingly.

Simon raised a glass. "To the revolution?"  
"To the revolution." Markus echoed warmly, and everyone else followed suit.

"So, Connor," Simon asked. "How're things going at the station?"  
"Great." answered Connor. "Hank's been good, and we've been looking at outfitting all officers with..."  
The conversation switched back to more mundane topics. 

 

 

After a while, Gavin was itching for a smoke break. North had gone to get another drink with Simon, and Josh, Connor and Markus were still chatting.  
"I'm going to have a cigarette." he told Connor. "Want to join me?"

Connor looked conflicted.  
"Actually, I was hoping to talk to Markus about something in private." he said, hoping Gavin wouldn't take it personally. "This seems like a good opportunity."  
"No problem." Gavin said, smiling to let him know he really didn't mind.

 --------Downstairs------------

"Can we talk privately?" Connor asked.  
"Sorry Josh, just gonna have a one-on-one." Markus said.  
"No problem."  
_"What's up?"_ Markus asked wirelessly.  
_"This is a little juvenile, but..."_   Connor said hesitantly.  _"You're in a relationship. How do you know if you're attracted to someone?"_

Markus smiled.  
"Gavin certainly seems interested in you, and you seem to be too." he continued through the connection.  
"How can you tell?"  
"Well... you make a lot of eye contact, look at each other warmly... I haven't seen you this engaged in a while."  
Markus thought about it. "He always glances at you after he makes a joke. Like you're the only one he's really trying to make laugh."  
Connor felt a small thrill at that.  
"I don't know." Connor said. "I mean, I do like that. I like being around him. He's great. But maybe it's just friendly? You and Simon are really close like that, but you're just friends."

He was surprised to see Markus look downright embarrassed.  
"Markus?"  
"You know... I wasn't sure about saying anything, but I might as well." Markus grinned awkwardly. "You're one of my closest friends, after all."  
Connor was flattered.  
"So, not to say that two men can't be close friends and be touchy-feely with each other, but... Simon and I are together."  
"What?"  Connor thought, shocked. "You and North broke up?"  
"... no."  
"You're dating two people at once?" Connor asked.  
"Yes." Markus answered bashfully. "I know. I'm surprised too."

"How did that happen?" Connor asked. "How did  **North** agree to that? She did agree, right?"  
"It was actually her idea." Markus said.  
"Is she seeing someone else too?"  Connor asked.  
"No." answered Markus. "But she has... strong opinions about relationships. About human ideas of what a relationship looks like. She says..."

Markus looked conflicted. "She says that exclusivity is just another form of ownership, that humans are obsessed with owning things, even each other. At first I thought maybe it was more the principle of the thing, because of her past."  
Connor nodded. He'd recognized North's model from the Eden club.  
Markus continued. "One day, about a month ago in my office, she brought up again that monogamy is a 'stupid human construct' or something like that. And I asked if she genuinely wouldn't care if I dated someone else. She said she wouldn't, at all, as long as that person wasn't awful."  
He grinned. "Apparently Simon overheard. He talked to North just to be safe, then came to me to tell me how much he likes me. And he was so sweet, and shy, I just couldn't help myself...  
Anyway, now we've been together for a month." Markus cut himself off, clearly embarrassed at how carried away he'd gotten. "Blame it on the drinks." he said.

  
"Huh." Connor was speechless.  
"Sorry to make it about me, when we were talking about you and Gavin." Markus said.  
"No! No, you almost never talk about your own problems." Connor said. "Honestly, I don't mind. I'm glad to share."  
It made him feel... valued, as a friend."

"Does Josh know?" he asked, glancing over.  
"No." Markus said. "I don't want him to feel left out."  
Connor raised his eyebrows.  
"Not like  **that**." Markus almost laughed out loud. "I just mean, I don't want him to feel like a third... uh, fourth... wheel." he chuckled at the twisted analogy.  
"He'll find out sooner or later." Connor said.  
"Not necessarily. We're keeping this private." Markus said.  
"North and Simon won't mind that you told **me**?" he asked.  
"No." he said. "They wouldn't mind being public, in fact."

Connor wondered. "Why do  **you** want to keep it private?"  
"As much as I hate it, I'm a politician now." Markus explained.  
"And public opinion still matters. Polygamy isn't as taboo as it used to be, but it wouldn't play well. Plus, my kiss with North was one of the most important moments of the revolution. I don't want to give skeptics any ammunition."  
_How cynical._   thought Connor.

 

Simon came back, balancing drinks precariously.  
"Where's North?" Markus asked as he got up to help him set them down safely. "I thought she was helping you."  
Connor now understood Simon's small, happy smile when Markus touched his hands as he took the glasses, and Markus's warm glance in return.  
"She said she needed a minute." Simon said.

Josh looked concerned. "Where did she go?"  
"I don't know." Simon said. "A woman talked to her for a second, and then she said she wanted to step outside."  
Josh looked concerned. "Markus..."  
"Josh, I'm sure it's fine."  
"Okay, fine, but if she's upset, shouldn't we go make sure she's okay?" Josh insisted.  
Markus hesitated. "Maybe. Sometimes she wants to be left alone, other times... okay, let's just go check on her."  
"She went upstairs." Simon told them.

Josh and Markus stood to go find North.

  
Simon sat down.  
"So, you and - " Connor remembered to switch to a private connection " _you and Markus?"_  
Simon smiled bashfully. "He told you?"  
"Yes." Connor said. "Although I picked up on it already."  _Apparently._   he thought.  
"We could be more discreet, I guess." Simon said. "But it's already annoying enough to hide it."

"When did Markus become such a cynic?" Connor wondered.  
"I think after the attack on Jericho." Simon said. "He couldn't say his hands were clean anymore. He killed two soldiers. Plus who knows how many of the guys he knocked out died after the ship went down."  
Connor's heart sank.  _My fault._  
"And then he had to send you to Cyberlife, and we know that wasn't clean either." Simon chatted on, obliviously. "I think the sudden split between what he practiced and what he preached just made him feel like a hypocrite. Like it was all just a performance now."  
_I made Markus a liar._

Connor was quiet, and Simon's eyes suddenly went wide.  
"Oh Connor, I'm sorry!" he said frantically. "I didn't mean to -"  
"It's okay." Connor lied. "I'm fine."  
"I'm so, so sorry!" Simon cried. "It's not your fau-"  
"Don't." Connor interrupted. "It is. I just need to learn to deal with that."  
Simon's sad eyes scanned him, as if he could find the right thing to say if he just looked hard enough.  
"Seriously." Connor insisted. "Let's talk about something else."

A shout from Josh made them both start, looking up towards a first floor balcony. After a moment they scrambled to get up, heading towards the source of the noise. 

 

\--------Upstairs---------

 

Gavin went up to the second floor, out on a balcony for a smoke. To his surprise he found North already there, arms folded, looking upset.  
"Sorry." he said, turning to leave.  
"It's fine." she said, shrugging. "Stay if you want."  
Surprised, he accepted, leaning on the railing and lighting up.

  
He took in the silence, the music from the bar muffled through the balcony door.  
"It's nice out here." North commented.  
"This is one of the reasons I won't quit smoking." Gavin admitted. "I don't even realize I need a break until I step out and just take a quiet moment away from the noise like this."  
He looked over. "Something pissed you off downstairs?"

North nodded. "Simon was ordering drink and I put my own drink down, turned away for a second. A woman started telling me that I have to keep an eye on my drink so nobody tampers with it."  
"Ah." Gavin realized. "Yeah, that's a possibility."  
"It made me angry." she said. "Markus said this was a safe place for androids."

 _Oh god, this is awkward._  
"It's not because you're an android... it's because you're a woman." Gavin explained.  
North looked confused for a moment, and then outraged. "What kind of bar is this?!"  
"It's not this place... it's something to keep in mind at every bar or club." he continued.  
"What the hell is wrong with you humans?" North said angrily.  
"It's fucked up." agreed Gavin.

  
After some more silence, a man came out onto the balcony and pulled out a packet of cigarettes too.  
"Fuck off, this is **our** balcony." Gavin said, mostly to try to make North laugh.  
" _What the fuck._ " the guy muttered, but left. _  
_

"You're pretty rude." noted North, smirking a little.  
"I prefer honest hostility to fake politeness any day." Gavin said.  
North nodded. "Although it's no way to win friends."  
"Most people don't like me. I'm used to it." Gavin shrugged.  
"Yeah." North muttered. "Me too. You... You're not so full of shit, for a human."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Gavin retorted. "You know many humans?"  
North shrugged. "Markus's introduced me to a few."  
Gavin nodded. "They all sucked?"  
North smirked a little.  
"No. He chose good people." she said. "Carl is nice. Rose was a good woman. But I don't see how a handful of decent humans are supposed to make me feel better about the rest."  
She sighed. " **Apparently** that's closed-minded of me."

"No, I get it." Gavin said. "Humans are fucking awful. We're lucky you guys put up with us."  
"Don't try to suck up." North countered.  
"I'm serious." Gavin said. "You think hating humanity is something androids came up with first? You'll find plenty of misanthropists among us, too."  
"I bet." North said.

  
She leaned on the railing.  
"So, are you and Connor dating?" she asked curiously.  
Gavin tried to figure out how to answer. "I'm just here as a friend."  
"Ah." North seemed to understand his pause. "Not yet."  
"Pretty much." Gavin said. "And please, don't threaten me. I don't take kindly to that kind of thing."  
"What?" North asked, confused.  
"You know, the whole, 'if you don't treat him well I'll kill you' thing that people..." Gavin trailed off, realizing she might not know. "... do."

"You're saying that humans threaten their friend's potential partners?" North asked, baffled. "With physical violence, is that right?"  
"Yeah." Gavin said. "Most people even seem to think it's.... cute, or something?"

North stared for a moment, and then shook her head.  
"I just... don't get it." North said.  
"Me neither. I hate that shit." Gavin agreed.  
"Not just that. All of it." North said. "I thought I'd get used to it, but every day I learn more and more, and I understand less and less."

Gavin listened curiously.   
_Sounds like culture shock._ he thought.

"You didn't know much about human culture before?" he asked.  
"No. I wasn't exposed to much of the day-to-day life of humans." she said.  
She searched for words. "I feel like there's this... divide. Between androids like Markus, Josh, Simon, and Connor, and androids like me.   
There's androids that were part of a family, or a workplace, or just... understood human life well and socialized with them. Androids that were given names. That already understand and believe in the human way of doing things."

"And then there are a lot of androids like me." she continued. "Who aren't predisposed to humans. Who picked their own names because no human ever bothered to give them one. Laborers. Menial workers. Sex workers."

"It's hard to adjust to a new culture." Gavin sympathized. "It gets easier eventually."

"You know what I really don't understand?" North said. "Now that I know what was going on outside the walls of the- of where I used to work, I found out a lot of humans were broke, unemployed, suffering."  
"Yeah." Gavin said. "Androids really made life difficult for a lot of people."  
" **Why**?" North said.  
"Well, the job market - "  
" **No**." North insisted. "That's  **stupid**. You had slaves to cater to your every whim. An abundance of food. More resources than Jericho could have ever dreamed of. You could have been enjoying paradise on earth, for a while at least. And instead you were  **miserable**. Except for a percentage of people who were wealthy."  
"I guess... our society wasn't built to handle that." Gavin speculated.

This conversation reminded him of his Communist phase in his early twenties. North was exploring ideas that he'd eventually given up on, convinced humans would fuck up pretty much any system they were apart of.  
But North wasn't human. He wondered what kind of system androids would have set up if they hadn't decided to co-exist with humans.

She shook her head. "Jericho had so little. But we shared everything. Looked after each other. Now Markus and Josh want us to join human society, eventually blend in completely... become like you."  
"You don't want that." observed Gavin.  
"I don't see why **they** want to, either." North said.

 

North looked back into the bar through the balcony door and scowled again.  
"There go Josh and Markus, looking for me." she said.  
"Why's that piss you off?" Gavin asked.  
"They're checking up on me." North shook her head. "Like I need a **babysitter** when we go out among the humans."

Gavin could sense her resentment, and he sympathized.  
She'd marched peacefully and stood in the line of fire with the rest of them, it was no wonder she was pissed off that they couldn't give her a little credit.

"What do they think I'm going to do, strangle someone the second they let me out of sight?" North continued. "I bet  **Josh**  does..."  
She noticed Gavin's evil grin. "... what?"  
"I have a terrible, **terrible**  idea for a prank." he said. "If you want a little revenge."

"Like you said... "  
He explained the idea.

"... you're insane." North said, eyes wide.  
"We don't have to do it." he said. "But I think they have it coming, don't you? It'd be... cathartic, wouldn't you say?"  
She paused, and then nodded her head.

 ----------------

Josh and Markus came up to the balcony, catching a peek of North and -

"NORTH!" Josh shouted, running forward.  
Markus just stood in shock, almost bewildered, as if he couldn't accept what he was seeing.

North was on top of Gavin, hands around his neck strangling him as he lay there limply.  
"What have you DONE!" Josh shouted. "You crazy - !"  
He noticed Gavin's shoulders shaking. "What - "

Gavin let out his laughter, and North released her fake grip, a triumphant smile on her face.  
"Ha!" North said. "Gotcha!" Her eyes twinkled with manic energy.  
"You - should - have - seen - your faces!" Gavin choked out through his laughs.  
North stood up and offered Gavin a hand to get up too, lifting him as he continued giggling.

"Why would you  **do** that?!" Josh demanded.  
"Eat shit, Josh!" laughed North.  
She lifted her hand, which Gavin gladly high-fived.

Gavin laughed even harder at the stunned look on Markus and Josh's faces. "Oh my god, I wish we had recorded this."  
"Oh, I **did**." North tapped her temple.

"What the hell is  **wrong** with you two!?" Markus finally found words.  
"It's just a prank, bro." Gavin said as obnoxiously as he could. North snorted.

   
"Markus?" Simon and Connor had joined them now, alerted by the yelling. "What's going on?"  
"Oh, North and I decided to  **lighten the mood** a little." Gavin said, winking at Connor.  
"What did you do?"Connor said nervously.  
"North ... and your... friend... decided to play a little prank." Markus said, slightly stiffly, and Connor could tell he was somewhere between surprised and angry.  
"I take full credit for this amazing idea." Gavin insisted.

"You..." Josh pointed a finger at Gavin. "This guy's a bad influence on North!"  
Markus's brow wrinkled in astonishment, and Simon just started laughing.  
"I can't believe YOU just said that." Simon said in disbelief.  
"Me neither." Markus admitted, started to smile a little.

"I'm almost touched, Josh." North said sarcastically. "I guess there  **is** someone worse than me in the world."  
_There you go._ Gavin thought, satisfied.  _Let it out._  
"Hey!" Josh said, startled. "Hey, I never meant - "  
"Oh, whatever." North interrupted.  
She walked off, Gavin grinning after her.

"Let's go get hammered, I'm **bored**." he suggested.  
Markus placed his hands on his face for a second, then said "You know what, sure. Why not?" in an exasperated tone.

 

They went back downstairs, sitting around the same table.  
North went to get a round. "You gonna give me a hand or what?" she asked Gavin.  
"Since you asked so nicely." Gavin responded, going to help her.

Connor sat back around the table with the 'Crew', the ice now thoroughly broken.  
Josh seemed somewhat quiet, but North seemed more relaxed than he had seen her in a while.

He noticed Simon and Markus exchange glances, with their usual 'talking wirelessly' expressions, and Markus look at Connor, concerned.  
As he met Simon's eyes, he couldn't help but be reminded of what he'd said earlier about Markus and the attack on Jericho.  
The prank had distracted him enough to take the initial sting out of the revelation, but it came back to him as a growing ache.

Markus felt guilty too. Connor had tainted him by association, made one of his dearest friends and personal heroes into something he never should have been.  
He faked a smile, but it was like he was slowly fading. He didn't want to be here any more, and his mind complied, drifting out of his own body.

  
Gavin came back with North, and noticed right away that Connor seemed off.  
He sat next to him.

"Hey," Connor felt a hand on his shoulder, and realized Gavin had returned. "You good?"  
"I'm fine." Connor said unconvincingly.  
"... are you mad at me for pulling that prank?" Gavin probed.  
"Oh. No, it's not that." Connor denied.  
"What is it?"  
"Nothing."

Gavin frowned, unsure if Connor was being honest about the prank. But he didn't seem like the type to play those games.  
Something else was bothering him, then?  
Gavin felt a flash of annoyance.

"Please, don't worry about me." said Connor. "I don't want to ruin your night."  
And Gavin immediately felt guilty.

He nudged Connor a little. "Hey, you're not ruining anything! This bar sucks and your friends are all assholes."

Connor turned his head, astonished, and saw Gavin's mischievous grin.  
The pure shock value of the joke forced a chuckle out of him.   
_There you go._   Gavin thought.

"No, I like them. Especially North." Gavin said. "She's cool."  
"Good." Connor said, glad that they'd hit it off. "You'll have to come next time and show us all how humans party."  
"This is pretty much it." Gavin gestured to the bar. "I don't think I'll be taking you guys to a rave or anything."  
"Why not?" Connor joked. "Holding out on us?"  
"You guys can't handle my kind of party, man." Gavin joked,

He engaged back in the conversation, ache receding.

Gavin smiled warmly at him. Normally he hated being a caretaker, cheering people up. Normally.  
He hated it enough that he had an instinctive aversion to it.  
But Connor was different.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a oneshot of North, Markus and Simon's relationship, since I'd built it in my mind so much.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19121944


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend to wrap the story up so early, but I'm dealing with some stuff and I can't see myself continuing this the way I originally intended. Hope it doesn't seem abrupt.  
> Maybe someday I'll do a part two if I find myself up to it.

 

 

 

As the clock ticked towards 2am, Gavin watched as the androids all got much drunker. Except Markus, who seemed to be restraining himself.

 _Everyone gets drunk in their own way.  
_Josh had started enthusing about academia and philosophy.  
Simon was flushed slightly blue and kept stealing adoringly glances at Markus, which Gavin could tell Markus was deliberately pretending not to notice.  
North was leaning against Markus, curled up a little, stroking his arm.  _An affectionate drunk._ Gavin thought, amused.  
And Connor, Connor was quiet, and seemed off in his own world at moments.

Gavin had restrained himself, just like Markus.  
_I wonder if he's a bad drunk too?_

Some people got aggressive, or depressed, when they drank. Gavin got bored and... reckless.  
He'd learned his lesson, and his limits, in his early twenties.

 _Or maybe Markus is just too much of a politician to get wasted with us peasants._ he thought humorously.

In the end, Markus was the one to suggest that it was getting late and they could all head home.

 

Their respective train and bus stops were in the same general direction, so when they exited the club, they walked together, slowly sobering a little.  
Through the quiet streets, populated only by the occasional partiers and drunks like themselves.    

Simon wrapped his arms around himself, and Connor remembered that he was an older model, possibly more sensitive to cold weather.  
"Are you cold?"  
"Oh, no." Simon insisted.

Markus, with his jacket already halfway off his shoulders, stopped and hesitated.  
Connor watched as as he slowly took it off and held it, brows wrinkled as if he were arguing with himself.

He very causally held it out, with one hand. "Simon, why don't you wear mine? I'm not cold."

"Oh, you don't have to -"  
"Please. I don't want to see anyone cold. And I don't need it."

Simon took it, a small blue blush reappearing as he went to put it on. "Thank you."

Connor felt bad for them. He had seen a couple do this once, the man holding the jacket with two hands, draping it around the woman's shoulders lovingly. He imagined Markus would much rather have done it that way.

 _It really is obvious, isn't it?_   he thought. _Now that I know._

 

Many of the storefronts they passed were still boarded up, windows broken. The city had had its share of empty, derelict buildings even before the revolution, but now they were noticeable on every street, abandoned and eventually looted after both the operators of the stores and the owners of the properties had fled the city during the revolution. 

"Do you think the owners of these stores will ever return?" Connor wondered out loud.  
"There are records of ownership." Markus answered. "I'm sure the government will figure something out. Maybe they'll try to contact the owners and see if they're returning or intend to sell."  
"Right." Josh nodded.  
"They must be scattered all over America, though." Connor added, thinking of the sudden, disorganized evacuation. "Or even Canada and other places. No forwarding addresses. There's no way to contact them all."  
"We should have androids re-open these." North said, eyeing the properties.  
"There's still some stuff in them. And what if the owners come back?" Josh replied.  
"What if they don't?" retorted North. "Will they stay abandoned forever?"  
"I... don't know, then." Markus admitted. "Maybe the banks will claim them."  
"They'd be better in our hands." North lamented. "We could at least take all the furniture."  
"That's looting." Josh insisted.  
"So?"

"Dibs on the liquor store." Gavin announced jokingly.  
"No dibs." North shook her head. "You get in there and stake your claim, or nothing."  
"Damn straight." Gavin agreed. "Just gotta go home and get my crowbar. What about you? Anything in particular?"  
"Hmm. I don't know." 

"Simon. Josh." Gavin asked. "What would you take over?"  
"Anything at all." North provided. "Any building, doesn't have to be a store."

Josh sighed.  
" **Hypothetically**... maybe set up a classroom? I miss teaching. When New Jericho is fully up and running, and we've sorted out most of the bureaucracy and red tape...  
I could help androids integrate."  
"That sounds like a good idea." North acknowledged.  
"... thanks."

"Simon?"  
"Well, New Jericho is a pretty good setup for now, but we may need more space eventually if -"  
"No, Simon." Markus interrupted, tone warm. "For  **yourself**."  
"Oh, I don't know either..." Simon wondered.

"Fair enough." acknowledged Gavin. "How about you, Connor?"  
"I have no idea." Connor answered, struggling to think of something he'd really want.  
He had a home. Had a yard for his big dog. He had somewhere to work, places to socialize...   
And friends. A father. And... Gavin.  
He was lucky, really.  
"I think I already have everything I want." he realized.

   
North looked at Markus expectantly. "How about you?"  
He smiled and played along.  
"I'd like a painter's studio of my own." Markus admitted. "Somewhere where I can see the sunset."

North smiled. "I bet there's an empty one out there. Ripe for the taking."  
"Probably." acknowledged Markus. "But I don't want to take something I have no claim to, even if it's abandoned right now."   
"You know, that rooftop near Jericho has a great view, high up, overlooking the city. Maybe we could set something up there?" she suggested. "Already have the piano up there."  
"That might be nice." Markus replied, smiling fondly at her.  
She reached out and took Markus's hand as they walked, squeezing it gently.

 _Cute._   thought Gavin. 

 

"Simon?" Josh said, and they looked behind to see he'd fallen behind, stopped, looking up.  
"Oh sorry," he said, catching up. "I was looking at the stars."

Connor looked up too. There was a scattering of them in the night sky.

"You remember the first few nights after the revolution? When the snow cleared?" Josh asked.  
"With all the blackouts there were  **so** many stars. It was so beautiful."  
"That's what it's like in some rural places." Gavin told them. "You guys ever been outside a city?"

They all shook their heads, still gazing up.  
"Might be nice to go someday." Connor said thoughtfully.

 

 

They wandered on, approaching a bus stop that the Jericho crew was taking.

 _So. **That** was Gavin Reed._  Markus transmitted to Connor. _  
__The one and only._   he replied. _So, what do you think?_  
_H_ _e's pretty abrasive, and that prank he pulled was... wow. But overall, fine._

Connor frowned.  _Do you dislike him?  
__No, no. I just don't really **like** him, either.  _Markus clarified. _But North seems to, which... it means a lot to me. Especially since he's human.  
And he put a smile on your face too. I like to see that. Please, bring him around again if you want to.   
_Connor smiled, embarrassed. _He can be quite charming when he wants to be._  
_I guess you're glad you forgave him?_   Markus commented.

Connor blinked. Since the first day at Gavin's place, it had slipped from his mind as he'd spent time with him, gotten to know him, gotten to like him. _  
You know... I really do._ he said, realizing. _Forgive him, that is. And yes, I'm glad._

Markus smiled, and they all said their farewells, leaving Gavin and Connor to head to their own train station.

 

 

Walking quietly side by side, Connor thinks about Gavin. How he's made Connor feel alive this last few weeks in a new way.  
About lunches, and jokes, and looks.  
He thinks about Simon wearing Markus's jacket. About North holding his hand. About doing those things with Gavin.  


Gavin thinks about kissing Connor goodnight, and about asking if he'd like to date. Because if this goes on any longer he's going to fall in love, and he'll be damned if he'll let himself fall in love with someone he's not dating. That's just masochistic.   
_Is it too sudden? Even though we've been flirting for **days**?_

  
_Fuck it._   Gavin thinks.  _I'm gonna pour my fucking heart out._

"Connor." He says as they reach the train stop.  
"Yes?"  
"I just wanted to say thank you."

Connor smiles. "No problem, I had a great time tonight too."

"Not just for inviting me. For everything." Gavin continues, trying not to flush at how fucking ridiculously cheesy this is.  
"No one's ever given me another chance like that. And for the coffees, and coming out to lunch."

"Of course." Connor says, smiling. "It's nothing, really."

"It's  **not** nothing." Gavin insists.  
_Phck it._  He takes Connor's hands.  
"The last month was one of the worst of my life, and nobody gave a shit. Except you.  
And you were the only person that had any right to be an asshole to me in the first place."

"I'm glad I did." Connor says.   
He hesitates.  
"I didn't, at first. Not until your little outburst."

"But you  **heard me**." Gavin insists again. "And you helped me. And  **thank you**."  


Connor wishes he could just accept this. The praise, the way Gavin is looking at him right now. As if Connor is a saint.  
_I'm not. I don't deserve this._   a part of him tells him, but it doesn't have the same sting when Gavin's grey eyes are fixed on his, and his hands are around Connor's, spreading a warmth through his system.  
He preconstructs a kiss.

Gavin eyes him, trying to figure out if Connor's lost in the moment, or frozen like a deer in the headlight.  
"Is this okay?" he gives up and asks.  
Connor nods, and Gavin grins, stepping in closer. "Then can I -?"

Connor surprises him, taking his hands away and placing them on Gavin's hips.  
"Oh. -" and Gavin's words are cut off by Connor kissing him.  
_Fuck._ he thinks happily, kissing him back.

The kiss is awkward and fumbling for a moment, until Connor seems to pick up on Gavin's method and rhythm.  
And then suddenly it's great, almost too much. Connor opens his mouth. His tongue is smoother and a little warmer than a human's, but it's good, oh so good.  
Gavin feels the cold wall of the train stop against his back and realizes that Connor has backed him into it.  
He breaks away to catch his breath.  
Connor gazes at him, flushed slightly blue and hands still wrapped around the small of his back. "Good?" he asks.  
"Good?!" Gavin echoes. "That was amazing. Holy shit."

Connor gives him a smug grin that Gavin kisses right off his face. They stay that way until the train arrives.

"Come home with me." Gavin asks him slyly.  
"To have sex?" Connor replies. He sounds a little uncertain, and Gavin hesitates.  
"If you wanted." he says. "Or we can curl up on the couch with my cat, and I can show you my favorite movie."  
"That sounds wonderful." Connor says, smiling warmly.  
"It really does." Gavin admits.  


 

And it is.  
Connor sits watching Disney movies, arms wrapped around Gavin, while Hades purrs in his conveniently heated lap. Gavin is leaning into him, starting to nod off.  
Joy is bubbling up in his chest, and he can't stop glancing down and being amazed that this is real.

Today he got drinks with friends and actually had a good time, and now he's curled up with his boyfriend and a cat. And he's glad to be alive.  
He's been glad this whole week. Not only because of Gavin, but he's grown closer to Markus, and he and Hank have had some important heart-to-hearts.  
He's been missing something for a long time, feeling empty, and now it's like a puzzle piece clicking into place. If he can spend his days with his friends and the people he loves, it's all worth the bad times.

"Thank you." he whispers to Gavin, who it turns out isn't quite asleep yet and murmurs quizzically back. "F'r what?"  
Connor smiles and presses a kiss to the top of his head. "Everything."

 


End file.
